Incorporating jesus into your brand
8 June 2009 by Naomi
This just landed in my inbox. From MotherJones online: LA’s Retailers Get Religion
[...]
At Forever 21, Jesus Hearts You Too:
Chatting with the Changs, the super-private, devoutly Christian, South Korean couple behind discount clothier and mega-mall staple Forever 21 (headquartered in LA’s Garment District) is so tricky that not even the New York Times can do it. Fortunately, you don’t have to look far to find out exactly how the Changs feel about Christ: Printed on the bottom of every neon-yellow shopping bag is John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Gee, thanks. Can I have my $2 tank-top now? Honestly, if they loved the world, they’d use biodegradable bags.
In-N-Out Burger—Serving Christ (With That) for 60 years:
John 3:16 also appears prominently at the popular West Coast hamburger chain In-N-Out Burger, whose diner-style decor and Animal-Style fries have delighted generations of high school students since it first opened east of downtown LA in 1948. The verse is printed along the bottom of your Coke—but the Bible references don’t end there.
Milkshakes feature Proverbs 3:5 and Double-Doubles (two patties with two slices of cheese) are swaddled in Nahum 1:7. Perhaps oddest of all, all your hamburgers and cheeseburgers reference Revelation 3:20, which reads: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”
Hungry for more? Although LA is ahead of the pack, the home of sun, smog, and religious zealotry isn’t the only place where faith and fast-food cross paths. We’ve also heard tell of Bible versus on Alaska Airlines dinner trays, VeggieTale Happy Meals at Georgia-based Chick-fil-A, and Christian coffee cups at New England donut purveyor Bess Eaton.
[...]
It’s official: I will no longer eat at In-and-Out Burgers (a genuine shame! — cholesterol aside, their burgers and fries are superior), or at Chick-fil-A (not my favorite fast food purveyor).
I find this both creepy and dishonest. It’s one thing to rip-off well known brands and re-jigger them with faux-clever parodies. But to sneak bibble verses onto cups and wrappers that will be tossed into the trash (!) makes no sense. What’s the purpose? To please your xian customers? Or just to pander to a deity that you expect to grant you a place in heaven? Or just a lucky-rabbit-foot fetish?
OR…am I missing something?
9 June 2009, on 12:36 am
Probably so if you eat alone, you won’t be eating alone, if you follow me.
9 June 2009, on 12:42 am
The “Chatting with the Changs” (Changs alot?) shtick reminds me of another reason I detest “Missionaries”. What a job they did on the South Koreans since the 1950s. Just about every Korean that has migrated here, is more than likely a Xtian Fundie.
And those stupid Babble verses, like:
“Gawd so loved the World…”
He did WHAT?…You mean…that imaginary, “3 in 1″, ‘Almighty’, but simultaneosly impotent, ultimately boneheaded, incredibly stubborn, vicious and mind-bogglingly voyeuristic Fucktard? Actually, any reasonably intelligent and genuinely compassionate human could do a much more competent job; given supposed Infinite Power. And absolutely NO notion of Eternal Damnation need play any role in existence, whatsoever.
Yeah…I couldn’t resist the usual ‘trite’ jab at the stupid notion of any made-up deity.
Also…
I don’t do much eating out (or in?), these days; but if I were going to one of those type restaurants, perhaps I’d bring along some homespun, disposable, atheist items. That way; whilst also handing out atheist and “Pro-choice” literature, I could complain about THEIR proselytizing and insist (loudly, of course!) that they serve MY food using my special atheist ‘dinnerware’.
What’s that?…that’d really go over like a lead balloon?…or…
“Do you actually LIKE getting the shit kicked out of you, Chuck?”
Should I answer that with… “Oink!” or “Baaah!”
Or simply bend over?
But, as per usual, like the old goat that I am…
I’m KIDDING!!!
9 June 2009, on 1:35 am
I already knew about In-N-Out and Chick-fil A. I don’t really care for Chick fil-A, so no biggie–I do know that the CEO gives lots of money to right-wing xtian orgs, so I wouldn’t eat there anyway.
In N Out is a different story–I’m sorry, call me what you will, but I think they put a layer of smack on their burgers. I cannot and will not resist. I simply hold my nose and eat there anyway. I tell myself that it balances out, because each and every store is owned by the original family and is not franchised, so I’m supporting “small business” or some such non-sense. I’m not sure if the family has made a habit of donating to gawdly endeavors–my guess is yes. Sorry, I have to cut my losses sometimes when it comes to my principles.
As for forever 21, I stopped wearing women’s clothing when I was too old to get away with digging through my mom’s closet and still having everyone think it was cute. I will tell my fiance to stop shopping there, however. All I have to tell her is that the owners are crazy asian xtians (being asian herself, the only thing she loathes more than crazy xtians is crazy asian xtians.)
I long ago refused to do business at any place that has a Jesus fish in their yellow pages listing. I got into an argument with an xtian once that this was the modern day equivalent of the merchants in the temple, and that her Jesus would be appalled by this. She argued that it was just a way to let other xtians know that they are giving their money to a xtian–which begs the question “what’s the difference?” It’s pandering either way.
Which is ultimately what all these merchants are doing. Some of them may sincerely believe they are helping spread the word of gawd, but really, if there’s an extra buck to be made in the process, eh, why not, right?
9 June 2009, on 1:55 am
Like I told the fucktard truck driver I encountered in Milford CT (he was wearing the same Tshirt you will find linked in the next-to-last paragraph — you know, the Starbucks knockoff): “Every time you bring your savior to the marketplace you cheapen him. You ought to be ashamed. Don’t you know he pockets the money while giving almost nothing to charity?”
It turns out Kerusso gives about $25,000 a year — out of $8,000,000! Unless he is lying about his revenues. It could be — they lie about everything else. (Before you attack me about “expenses”, please. I know the Ts are made in China, he’s located in rural NW Arkansas and he gives great “offers” for “entrepreneurs” to place his “lighthouse” kiosks in malls. $25K is small potatoes to him.)
I’m still trying to figure out how I can get those two HUGE crosses measured. The Groom TX onemight be 190-feet but the Effingham IL one (they boast that it is 198-feet tall) isn’t even 100… I’d need civil engineers to “shoot” them but that costs money.
Unless I can find two atheist civil engineers.
9 June 2009, on 7:44 am
> I’m still trying to figure out how I can get those two HUGE crosses measured.
There are plenty of ways to measure the height of something like a ginormous cross or a tall tree. The shadow method is relatively easy requiring only a tape measure or an accurate measure of your own shoe. One could also stand next to it with a stick of known height, take a digital photograph and calculate the measurement with that.
http://www.wikihow.com/Measure-the-Height-of-a-Tree
9 June 2009, on 11:11 am
Isn’t this sort of thing considered blasphemy? I’m pretty sure I’d consider it blasphemy, if I were a believer… Oh, what a trend we have in Jesus!
9 June 2009, on 11:22 am
I used to collect the little prayer cards they handed out on Alaska Airlines. I kinda miss them. There’s nothing like being reminded the people responsible for your safety can’t wait to move on to the afterlife.
9 June 2009, on 2:03 pm
Maybe if they print enough drink cups with verses they win an SUV
You notice you don’t see as many John 3:16 bedsheets at sporting events anymore? What’s up with that? “God so loved the end-zone fan that He stopped forcing them to miss all those field goals”?
9 June 2009, on 2:42 pm
Good one, Dunc! “Oh, what a trend we have in Jesus!”
9 June 2009, on 3:01 pm
An inbox is terrible thing to waste.
But wasted it is when you get emails from xian merchandisers (who ripoff well-known brands — yup, I’m a riding my hobby-horse again!) marketing for holidays. First, it was for Easter, a popular xian holiday when you really, REALLY need fresh ideas for what to buy to put under the Easter Bunny.
Next it was Mother’s Day. Is the gift left under her pudenda, the closest body part to the womb through which her grateful child was nurtured?
Now: Father’s Day! Not your heavenly fathuh (I would like to see Him in a long Tee and nothing else!). Your terrestrial father will do, as proxy. Check this “original” out:
No ethics and no shame… Kerusso’s the name.
9 June 2009, on 3:10 pm
I’m with Fritzy in paragraphs 1, 4, and 5. 2 and 3 don’t apply to me.
Hobby Lobby (http://hobbylobby.com/our_company/our_company.cfm?page=2) has a number of ministry functions as well. They sort of creep me out in ways that Jo-Ann Fabrics or Michael’s Crafts don’t.
9 June 2009, on 4:26 pm
GDad, I, too, have noticed Hobby Lobby is xian-branded. Most of their freight trailers proudly display xian code-logos. You may not notice such things but that’s what I get to look at — that and license plates and bumper stickers…
My company doesn’t haul their freight (choice? accident?) but we do haul Michael’s and Jo-Ann’s stuff. Would my husband and I agree to accept a load from Hobby Lobby? My first reaction is “no”. My second reaction is to discuss this with him and formulate a response now, so that we aren’t blind-sided later. This is the way we’ve handled the tricky and/or dangerous situations that can arise. Hobby Lobby is only “tricky”; how to drive on icy interstates and what to do if a highjacking occurs: “dangerous”. Fixing things in one’s mind before they happen has paid off for us.
Like you, Fritzy’s #2 and #3 don’t apply to me either. But, boy, saying no to In&Out burgers will hurt. They are better than Fuddrucker’s (almost all gone, by now) and Hardee’s ThickBurgers. BackyardBurgers were great, too, but they’ve just about totally disappeared, too.
I can’t think how I missed the “hidden messages”. Maybe because I’m either talking to my husband or reading the newspaper. I habitually turn placemats blank-side-up so that I’m not constantly bombarded with dessesrt teasers. My mouth wants them; my health doesn’t need them.
9 June 2009, on 7:43 pm
Hey Naomi, it’s funny you should say that Fuddrucker’s and Backyard Burger are almost extinct, because here in Springfield, MO we have both.
I think Backyard Burgers might be run by a xian family though, unless they’re franchised out to other people. One of their LCD screens keeps proclaiming god bless your family.
9 June 2009, on 8:09 pm
AUM, yuck! Why can’t we just re-invigorate the way it used to be in the neighborhood of my childhood:
No one knew what faith you were (except for the catlicks with the five stairstep kids under 9 and the parochial school uniforms). No one wanted or needed that information. No one checked to see if a family was attending church regularly. No one fucking cared!
Of course, this was in the RustBelt of southeastern Michigan. High blue collar, high union membership, high mix of Euro-ethicity. Pretty much the same values and ethics. Pretty peaceful, as I remember it.
Now we have the Domino’s Pizza-King starting his own gated enclave in Florida. We even had a movement to resettle South Carolina with separatist fundi-xians whose aim it was to secede! It fizzled out like a wet lady-finger…
So, if the assholes wouldn’t try to infect us with their stealth-virus, we could eat in peace. Is that too much to ask?
10 June 2009, on 1:49 am
Naomi;
Those cloying t-shirts are just aweful–even if I was an xtain rather than an ex-tian, I think I would still be tempted to take a claw hammer to my own eyes so I didn’t have to ever read one of those goddamned annoying shirts again (even when I was a bleever, I hated that cutsie shit). They should just call the web site “T-shirts-for-brain-dead-numb-nut-sheep.com.”
The one and only Fudruckers I have encountered came and went to my home town years ago–I think it lasted about a year. I just laugh every time I hear the name, because it reminds me of the movie “Idiocracy,” in which the chain gradually morphed into “Buttfuckers.”
As for missing the scripture messages on the In-N-Out cups, et al, don’t feel too bad about that Naomi; the only reason I knew about it is because I read about it in “Fast Food Nation.” I had to look pretty hard for the messages even when I knew they were there. It gives me hope that it really always was intended as a “wink” to gawd, if you will, rather than a serious attempt at evangelizing. Like I said, I’m willing to let it slide, just like their delicious double-doubles slide down my gullet.
And frankly, all craft stores creep me out, and, as an art-snob who dabbles in producing art and insists on shopping at “legitimate” local art supply stores, they offend my pretentious sensibilities.
10 June 2009, on 3:01 am
I actually have Backyard Burgers and Fudruckers near me. I don’t have In-N-Out or Hobby Lobby though. Which is odd, given that I live in the bible belt. And as for Chick-Fil-A, the fact that they are closed on Sundays was a dead giveaway to me. Hell, the one in my town gave a free chicken sandwich (or something free, anyway) to anyone who presented a movie stub from “Passion of the Christ.”
I see this as just another expression of the pathetic need of the religious to show that they are more ‘divine’ than others.
10 June 2009, on 8:26 am
@Naomi: I wish I could claim it as my own coinage, but I’m afraid not. It was the name of a particularly hilarious website marketing absurd Christian kitsch (I think ironically, but you never can tell), but which sadly seems to have disappeared from the ‘net. Unfortunately I can’t remember the URL to dig it up from the Wayback Machine either…
10 June 2009, on 10:10 am
Inari;
In-N-Out is only located in CA, Nevada, Utah and Arizona.
As for the Passion of the Chicken Sandwich, that is just annoyingly sanctimonious. I skimmed through an interview with the guy that started the chain. I say “skimmed” because I’m not enough of a masochist to read the whole thing. The guy was truly a tool; but a rich tool.
There’s money to be made off one’s faith. The article was actually in a Christian business magazine–modern day Calvanism at it’s best. These people not only don’t see anything wrong with using their faith to sell their wares, they actually believe gawd wants them to do so. Shameless I think, but they are proud of their success in Christ.
When the Chick-fil-a openned here, there were actually tools who drove for hours and camped out over-night to eat there on openning day. Lines of people. I swore I would never eat there, but finally broke down. Eh. It was OK. I don’t see the big appeal. I wont eat there again.
But In N Out–like I said, principles be damned…
10 June 2009, on 1:03 pm
There are two Chick-Fil-A’s here as well, one is in the mall. We have a Hobby Lobby too, right in front of the mall.
No In and Out though, but by looking at their brochure it seems the closest one to Missouri is in Texas.
10 June 2009, on 2:51 pm
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him would believe in anything.”
11 June 2009, on 1:38 am
Dunc, are you talking about the website that showed all the kitsche-y merchandise AND the worst of pareidolia? And the funny juxtaposition of children and jeebus’ crotch? Didn’t he post every day?
I used to visit it every week…
11 June 2009, on 9:44 pm
Is there a masterlist of companies that are xian or that donate money to fundie right wing causes? it seems I hear about one every so often, and it’s hard to remember which companies to avoid.
There’s no In and Out Burger near me, plus I’m a vegan, so that shouldn’t be hard to give up
, but when someone told me to avoid Coors, I was devastated.
11 June 2009, on 11:03 pm
Marcy, I must tell you that there are much better beers to drink. Coors/Budweiser/Miller, et.al., are American “pop-beers” — meant to be consumed until shit-faced.
On Peter Coors, CEO, from the Lazy-Research-Department (Wikipedia):
Marcy, be adventurous and sample better beers. Try ales, lagers and pilsners. America is chock full of micr0-breweries, ALL of which are superior to the above-named labels. I’m partial to oatmeal-stouts and porters — which is not compatible with a palate “nurtured” by Coors. Avoid them until you’re ready.
The best reason to follow my advice? Anti-oxidants! (Pop-beers have no antioxidants.) Dark beer, like red wine, dark (+65 % cocoa-butter) chocolate, black pekoe tea and coffee (and strawberries and blueberries, etc.) have high levels of isoflavinoids/antioxidants.
I like teh guilty pleasures… And one has a difficult time getting drunk on “fuller’ beers. To say nothing of the $$$ involved.
***
It seems a master list would be a fine idea. Research intensive, I’m sure.
OT: And speaking of “research intensive”, News of the Weird had the same idea that I had: How many criminals, especially murderers, have the middle name, “Wayne”? John Wayne Gacey, anyone? This list HUGE!!!
http://www.newsoftheweird.com/wayne.html
13 June 2009, on 12:25 am
Oh, I’m not a beer afficionado, unfortunately. I don’t care for the bitter taste of hops. I don’t drink beer that often, either. In fact, I’ve never been drunk. I buy a six-pack every so often and if I have a tension headache from work, it helps. I do love microbrews, but I always get a lager, b/c it’s the closest to the “pop” beers. I don’t like dark beers, strong beers, hoppy beers, etc.
Actually, I don’t know why I bother. I should just stick with wine!