The Horror…The Horror…
7 February 2009 by Bob
Just in case anyone’s interested, there’s a Passion for Christ Movement that wants to rid the world of — no, not poverty or war, but — masturbation:
When God wants to take His message of deliverance across the globe, there is NO stopping Him. Check out this feature of the EX Shirts on one of the fastest growing Christian Hip Hop magazines in the US: www.DaSouth.com. Also, hit up their new article, “Masturbation”. It breaks down the lies behind masturbation, explains how this is actually a sin, and how we can be freed through Christ. And if you need even more encouragement, check out ya girl Dameco’s latest blog entry, in which she fearlessly testifies to her struggle and victory over masturbation! We pray that you will join us in breaking the silence on an issue that has stayed silent for too long. Be the first to boldly rock your Ex-Masturbator shirt and let’s change the world baby!
The blog entry alone is disturbing — but you really have to see the store to get the full effect.
I’m just wondering what my colleagues and students would think if I showed up to campus with my brand-new EX-MASTURBATOR shirt. Man, those evals would TOTALLY ROCK that semester…
People waste so many precious minutes doing the fucking dumbest things…
7 February 2009, on 4:20 pm
Lmfao,I actually had an idea for a comedy sketch concerning this,but now it’s somewhat a reality. Except I had it where they picketed porn stores with Westboro Baptist Church-esque signs of “God Hates Masturbators”, “Masturbation:The ‘Long’ Forgotten Holocaust” and “Jacking off is genocide.”
7 February 2009, on 4:52 pm
I would actually wear that shirt but not for the reason they think. Its absolutely hilarious.
7 February 2009, on 5:13 pm
This is unreal! Little old ladies are going to be fainting in the streets when they come across these t-shirts.
Talk about naive! I read enough of Dameco’s blog to know that there are plenty of men who will get off reading her very vivid descriptions of masturbation. Surely this is her real intention. She can’t, surely can’t, be so stupid as to think such explanations don’t bring about the exact “sin” she’s so worried about committing.
Any time you want people to think about doing something just tell them NOT to do it. It’s like when the water gets turned off. That’s when you feel the most thirsty. Focus on the water not being available and you get even more thirsty.
Well, they’re young so I suppose they have an excuse for being STUPID. Some pervert priest/pastor got this thing rolling, no doubt.
7 February 2009, on 5:14 pm
Off topic, but funny…..
http://www.jesusandmo.net/
7 February 2009, on 5:39 pm
I find myself appalled, amused, disgusted and turned on — all at the same time.
I do NOT like it!
7 February 2009, on 7:04 pm
Yeah Lynda…that cartoon link reminded me of how fascinating a lot of the ancient Hindu art is…all those big breasted women, in wild sexual positions.
Hmmmm…How much horny masturbating went on in the shadows of those temples?
Kinda like…
free, public pornograhy? That said…being an “EX-masturbator” in India, might be a bit “hard” to sell…?
7 February 2009, on 7:13 pm
“Every sperm is sacred…”
7 February 2009, on 8:04 pm
Recent studies reveal that 95 percent of adolescent males masturbate and the other five percent are liars.
Just a funny that we passed around when I was an adolescent male. If this EX program works, it will only make the percentage of liars go up. Oh, and one could use the t-shirt to clean up.
7 February 2009, on 9:53 pm
Hmm Bob do you think they have any EX-XIAN shirts?
Wow good find. These people are every which way wacked out for the lord.They make the biggest things out of nothing.
7 February 2009, on 10:14 pm
… the comments… oh ye gods little fishes and buckets of blood, the comments…
7 February 2009, on 10:21 pm
I don’t know which of these is best but they are both good.
From Seinfled season 4 “The Contest”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBxhAa5zy-4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ID9Viq8sUbE
8 February 2009, on 12:13 am
^ or “EX-Fucktard”…”EX-Asshat”…”EX-Bible (or Quran)-up-Colon”?
A new colon friendly breakfast cereal, perhaps…”Bible-Blow”? [memories of Phil Hartman]
Alas…
(Or maybe…”a Lass”?…as in Dameco (Dumb-Echo?)…
Another moronic Buybull based variation of the Infinitely twisted “Gawd”, so perfectly narcissistic that “He” (a totally asexual Fucktard) creates an endless number of Human sex addicted slaves who must worship Him only; whilst creating them with terrible (though completely natural), built-in lust producing hormones.
Talk about a selfish motherfucker…literally?
While, at an earlier time, He created and still allows an insidious, seemingly all-powerful “Satan” buddy, with equally ghoulish, idiotic minions, who are constantly tempting everyone. And, of course…the usual endless, totally unjust, sadistic “Hell” bullshit.
ALWAYS…that!
(Weren’t the “Devil” and his minions supposed to have been locked up after the so-called “War in Heaven”…Who, exactly, let the fucktards out?)
As I keep saying, over and over…just HOW absolutely fucked up WERE the original writers and organizers of all the Abrahamic style scriptures? Totally evil, fucked-up assholes, me thinks! And then there’s the inane, myopic, slobbering (drooling?) Theologians…endlessly mulling over all the insanity.
Yada, yada.
Xtianity and Islam, in particular, are absolutely INSANE about sex, and using it to control every aspect of human thinking; which is motivated by the overall agenda of total control of the masses; tantamount to ENDLESS slavery; even beyond this life of hapless, ignorance-based struggle.
Albeit, words fail to express the extent of outrage, regarding the sick mentality that created the bullshit in the first place; and those, mindbogglingly numberless, poor SUCKERS throughout the Ages, who’ve been helplessly indoctrinated, and…for the rest of their lives…can’t, or won’t, see the insidious, anciently spawned, totally superstitious lies.
Are we atheists just “lucky” to have broken free…or what?
8 February 2009, on 12:43 am
^ Thanks, Jimmer…hilarious links! [they both fit together nicely?]
The clips remind me of two things…
John-John (and his later tragic, untimely death). And…
I was caught, once, by my mom. In my “Good Cat-lick boy”, High School days…and, at the time…it seemed rather traumatic, indeed. I remember it vividly. Talk about religious “Guilt”!
“The shame of ‘Mortal Sin’, and all that…YIKES!”
8 February 2009, on 2:53 am
“Ex(pert)-masturbators?” Boy, what a bunch of wankers!
And I thought that pride was supposed to be a sin with these guys…
I think they should spend some time at this site.
8 February 2009, on 12:13 pm
I will NOT masturbate MY ex. And I would definitely not wear a t-shirt announcing it if I did. Let him yank his own handle.
8 February 2009, on 12:47 pm
k9_kaos…
Amazing what “one” finds on the Web! (if “one” is so ‘inclined’)
“Jack Hoffman”, huh? And…”leave a donation”?
And…of course…let’s not forget the ladies…kind of a “Toys R Us” complimentary Blog…
“Clitical”…
ala atheist style: “Clitical Thinking”, perhaps? Or…”I’m just practicing Reason in Creative Ways”?:
http://www.clitical.com/
[cue small motor (and moaning) noises?]
8 February 2009, on 12:55 pm
Whoa. I just went and read the blog entry. That girl has some serious guilt goin’ on. And her bible buddies and studies just keep on solidifying that guilt. Course, I’d say she had a bit of an addiction, considering she ripped her clit. All things in moderation, hon.
8 February 2009, on 5:45 pm
Not that I think abstaining from masturbation is a worthy goal or use of one’s energy, but I can’t imagine a greater obstacle to such an end than wearing a t-shirt that claims success. Definitely made me think of the old Seinfeld episode.
8 February 2009, on 5:46 pm
And that Jesus and Mo cartoon was a riot. A new one to me. Thanks for the intro.
9 February 2009, on 9:00 am
I thought it was hilarious at first, then as the whole idea sunk in, I felt sick to my stomach. Just another reason for people to do nothing while claiming to be doing something worthwhile. It must take the mother of all brainwashing techniques to look at those pictures and not feel revolted. Or giggle hysterically.
9 February 2009, on 10:28 am
We know a song about that …..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTiAWWS0qrw
The phrase “when they pry it from my cold, dead hand” springs to mind …..
9 February 2009, on 3:38 pm
Totally agree with Honestpoet. Wearing a shirt like that is just hubris. “Ex-hypocrite” is probably my favorite, because there’s just no way.
I’m very tempted to buy a couple of those shirts. At $10 each, they can’t be making a whole lot of money from them. I might have a couple of buttons made to wear with them, “I’ll be an” and “when I’m dead”.
10 February 2009, on 12:10 pm
I’ve just been reading the comments on that “ex-” website, those puritans truly scare me. I attribute my low temperment to years of steady handedness. When does the “ex-child predator” shirt come out?
10 February 2009, on 1:16 pm
Karen wrote: I will NOT masturbate MY ex.
LOL!
ChuckA wrote: that cartoon link reminded me of how fascinating a lot of the ancient Hindu art is…all those big breasted women, in wild sexual positions.
Unfortunately Hindu fundamentalists are beginning to act like the Taliban now. Did you read that BBC News story about women who attended pubs being attacked by a group of right-wing Hindu vigilantes. If not, here’s the story: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7880377.stm
10 February 2009, on 2:19 pm
Yeah Lynda…
Fundamentalists…of ALL ilk…continue to be the all-time dumbest, and most vicious slime-bags on the Planet. All Religions, IMHO, no matter what the delusional origin, seem to degenerate and become more and more moronic…and more vicious…over time. As we all know, it’s only because of the advent of the secular “Enlightenment”, and Modern Science, that the major religions try desperately to “appear” more rational.
If I recall, ancient Hinduism had much more in common with certain Buddhist ideas…even “The Way of Sex”…reincarnationally, if you will… was a viable, accepted, learning path towards the “Evolution” of ones consciousness. Just one of many paths in one’s personal “samsara” on the endless wheel of incarnations.
The idiot and his minions in that article seem more influenced by the Western Abrahamic notions…and vicious tactics…than the ancient Vedas.
What!…karmically speaking (only a fantasy, of course)?…”Mr. Mutalik”, and his fuckhead asshats, need to get the shit kicked out of them by a bunch of panty wearing…ball buster types.
Or…another job for Wonder Woman?
“Oh goodie!”
10 February 2009, on 5:26 pm
Just received an email from Secular Coalition for America:
Last year, $176 million of taxpayer dollars were wasted on ineffective and dangerous abstinence programs in public schools. Abstinence-only-until marriage programs promote a specific religious ideology that teach that the only people who should be having sex are heterosexual, married couples.
As a Senator and Presidential Candidate, President Obama made statements that he supports medically accurate, age-appropriate sex education. Now is the time to put those words into action.
Tell President Obama that if taxpayer dollars must go to sex-education, that you are counting on him to support effective, medically-accurate sex education programs and end funding for programs that preach religious morals rather than sound science.
Take Action Now!
Best wishes,
Secular Coalition for America
Here’s their website with a link to the White House comment page for making your wishes known in regards to funding for
religious-based sex ed programs:
http://www.secular.org/activism/Obama_abstinence_funding090209.html
10 February 2009, on 5:33 pm
“Mr. Mutalik”, and his fuckhead asshats, need to get the shit kicked out of them by a bunch of panty wearing…ball buster types.
ChuckA,
LOL! Reminds me of Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life” movie where the guy is running away from the gang of topless women chasing him until he runs right off a cliff.
11 February 2009, on 4:07 am
I would like a t-shirt that says ex-masterbator on back and on the front have it say “was blind but now I see”
11 February 2009, on 11:26 am
If Dameco wasn’t engaging in dramatic hyperbole in the description of her masterbatory practices, chances are she has a sex addiction. Looking to an imaginary friend is no way to deal with any addiction (look at Bush–clear case of the damage that can be done from an untreated addiction.) Although I know this wasn’t her intention, I believe screeds like this end up doing a lot more damage than one might think.
And yes, stupid rules/injunctions like this are what detract from the little positive action that actually comes out of religious practice (i.e. charity or social equality.)
When I was a b-leever, I used to pray for forgiveness every time I took matters into my own hands. What a bunch of wasted energy.
Religion poisons everything.
12 February 2009, on 8:30 pm
As an adolescent, I used to sometimes do it while doing my theology homework. Some of that stuff is just unbearably erotic.