The end is coming, send me your money!
19 January 2009 by Stardust
I usually watch television after settling in bed for the night and flip through channels to see if anything interesting is on. Last night I ran across these money beggars, Jack Van Impe (known worldwide as The Walking Bible and his wife, Rexella (Rexella appears sedated when she speaks). In addition to their own television program that mostly is a sales pitch asking viewers to purchase one of Van Impe’s books, video tapes, or other media products, these con artists have their own Ministries World Outreach Center, located in Rochester Hills, Michigan.
Over the years, Van Impe has set many specific years and dates for the second coming of Jesus, but has continued to move his prediction later and later when his imaginary friend fails to show up, and now he is saying that 2012 is the date of the “end of history” based on the fact that the heathen Inca calendar stops at that year. In the following video, it will nearly make your brain explode with the way that Impe tosses around numbers, adding and subtracting and manipulating to make it seem proof of the bullshit that he espouses. I found it hilarious that in 2001, Impe Ministries won the humorous/mock Ig Nobel Prize for astrophysics for its assertion that “black holes fulfill all the technical requirements to be the location of Hell.” 
Here’s the video link.
And if you are feeling masochistic, here is the link to the first of four of Impe’s end of times videos. Lame, lame lame!
And what do the suckers who fork over their money to this con man have to say?
Jack and Rexella are the ones to keep in the know with….. the church certainly is confused about this topic,maybe a few talk of it… but most don’t.. that is why I watch them. If prophecy is not part of your church, ( prophecy is all through the Bible, old and new testaments,) I suggest you make Jack Van Impe YOUR CHURCH, and support him as I do. I have ordered his video 2012 3 videos, to share with others. It’s all about Salvation… and getting ready to be raptured.
alex9nancohhhh if this is true i cant wait to see Jesus im soo exited
theemawayPraise GOD. I don’t know what is to come in 2012 but I am at peace with whatever happens. For the battle is already won. Even as our corrupt government attempts to controls this world. God is still in control.
StopLossSolutionsFirst of all here to you Christ haters, with out Christians the world wouldn’t be so bad you would even sitting on your buts saying trash. Also to my fellow dear Christians, don’t mind what these hate mongers say, it’s all junk and funny to them because they don’t have what you need inside to understand about the wonderfull Kingdom of God that’s coming and anything related to it.
ShineCity711whoever is commenting negativity about jack van impe, knows that god is real because why would they be looking at his videos,
weo890ur
Why would we be looking at his videos? To MOCK them and to get others to realize what suckers they are and to put scammers out of business. Idiots.
19 January 2009, on 12:41 pm
Also to my fellow dear Christians, don’t mind what these hate mongers say, it’s all junk and funny to them because they don’t have what you need inside to understand about the wonderfull Kingdom of God that’s coming and anything related to it.
Like delusion, psychopathy, etc?
19 January 2009, on 1:04 pm
Rexella is freaking tragic… I’d say she abuses Oxycontin.
I love to watch this and the 700 Club for a good laugh!
19 January 2009, on 1:23 pm
LOL! This reminds me of “Fizzbin” from the original Star Trek series:
Kirk butts in on a game of poker that Okmyx’s thugs are playing. He asks if they would like to be introduced to a new card game, and then explains a very confusing version he calls “Fizzbin”, actually making up the rules as he goes along. While the guards are being distracted, Spock and McCoy sneak up from behind and overpower them.
And people actually send money to Van Impe?
Well, I suppose that’s not all that hard to believe considering how many people handed over millions of dollars to “investment advisers”. Once someone starts throwing numbers around most mathematically inept people just open their check books and drool.
19 January 2009, on 1:33 pm
“AAGH, AAGH…(VERY deep breath)…AAAAAAAAA…(lots more “A”s)…AAAAAAGH!!!”
19 January 2009, on 1:33 pm
Has anyone bothered to look up any of the passages he spews out to see if they are even remotely related to what he’s babbling about. I’d do it, but I don’t think I’ve ever been that bored.
19 January 2009, on 1:33 pm
Impe had a “Left Behind” style movie released a few years before hand, where those left below were watching his tapes to figure out what happened.
And by the way, it’s not Incan, it’s Mayan.
19 January 2009, on 1:41 pm
Caricatures of themselves. I love to watch these two. The end of the world stuff just kills me. I get a good laugh out of it and then switch it off as quick as possible.
It is pretty freaky though that they seem to get so much joy from the end of the world and all the chaos that will be going on. But that is “Just our Crazy Fundie Friends” doing what they do best. Making up shit and selling it as truth.
19 January 2009, on 3:06 pm
And now for something completely different?…
Is this, perhaps, the ONE thing Dubya did right in the entire 8 years of his Presidency?
“Bush commutes sentences of former US border agents”:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090119/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush_pardons
Lou Dobbs, no doubt, will be ecstatic!
19 January 2009, on 3:54 pm
Here is Van Chimp’s bullshit about the boo hoo Xian persecution complex. What a bunch of whiners. What about all the muslims being persecuted and killed? What about the gay people being persecuted and killed? Lots of people are persecuted and killed for various reasons…and what “prophecy” does that tell? These god believers make up so much shit it isn’t funny.
Jack Van Impe – Christians Being Persecuted
This is just propaganda to perpetuate hatred for others who are different.
19 January 2009, on 4:22 pm
I also like to sit and watch them for a few minutes if I happen to see them on while I’m flipping through the channels. They’re always good for a few laughs.
Have you noticed how happy they are when they talk about the Rapture? They’ve got these huge smiles and they’re all bright and cheery and excited when they’re talking about the end of the world! What sick freaks! If they really believe that this is going to happen, then they must know that many people will suffer, yet they act like they’re looking forward to it. Nice, loving psychopaths….
19 January 2009, on 4:46 pm
Have you noticed how happy they are when they talk about the Rapture?
Sarah, and they are especially ecstatic when talking about how we non-believers and heathens are going to suffer and burn in hell. I think that this type of Xianinsanity appeals to the bully types and thugs….like Paul Manata…remember him? Ex gang banger turned Jeebus lover and uses religion to bully people. Anti-social psychopaths are what they are.
19 January 2009, on 4:55 pm
Is this, perhaps, the ONE thing Dubya did right in the entire 8 years of his Presidency?
I’m not sure Dubya deserves credit for this one either. The border guards shot a man in the back “in self-dense” (?) and then tried to cover up their crime. If they were just doing their job, why the cover up? These guys appear to be pretty questionable characters and behind bars is likely not a bad place for them. What message does this give other border agents? Shoot first, ask questions later?
I’m not a fan of making people criminals because they smoke or sell or grow marijuana either. There are too many stories of people who can’t find reliable sources of medical marijuana and those idiots who don’t understand the benefits of the drug are making lots of people suffer needlessly.
19 January 2009, on 5:51 pm
I always get a laugh at how the world’s going to end in 2012 “because that’s when the Mayan calendar ends.” The Mayan calendar really ended when the conquistadors invaded. If they were so precognitive, why didn’t the Mayans predict that? One would think that the end of the Mayan world 400 years ago would’ve been a bit more important to them.
I read a poll a couple of years back that said 25% of Americans were sure Jesus would return in 2007. I’ll bet those same people thought that he’d return in 2008, and next 2009, and then 2010…
If the world ends in 2012, it’ll be because Bush screwed the world over with the economy and climate change. And the god-wallowers aren’t going to be rapturized to their Magic Candyland in the Sky. They’ll suffer and die with the rest of us, still futilely giving their money to van Pimpe.
19 January 2009, on 8:20 pm
Bill, there was actually a guy on Coast to Coast who said that they only reason the calender ends is because they ran out of rock.
Which goes against the prevailing belief on the show and will make the 2012 show all the sweeter when it hits midnight, becomes December 22, and NOTHING HAPPENS.
19 January 2009, on 8:34 pm
Ok so the Chimp is loose in the asylum…..mmmmmmmmmmm, he just makes it up as he goes along, I love the intro with Barbie asking the chimp the question as if it’s for real, bloody hilarious, he’s a total nutter, dangerous, I wouldn’t risk getting in the cage with him or stealing his banana, on a par with pRich though he’s pretty harmless in a fucked up braindead sort of way, I’m going to make a prophesy myself, I foresee that the chimp in 2012 will be amending his prophesy and then based on the Sillystine prophesies and the Da wincy code combined with his stars from the local paper and the letter he got from cheesarse he will predict a new end coming, at least that sounds rational, ah chimpee chimpee chimpee, have another nana……lol
20 January 2009, on 1:42 am
For these folks, at some point, Jebus’s “fashionable lateness” has to lose it’s charm. Imagine planning a party, only to have the guest of honor fail to arrive (again *sigh*). But somehow, they manage to stay cheery at the prospect of the infedels smoldering for eternity, while they get to be Smithers to their invisible Mr. Burns for all posterity.
These xtian number-crunchers have been around for as long as the xtian faith has existed (and before that, other cults did the same thing.) This “creative spiritual accounting” really would be amusing is so many people didn’t fall, mouth agape, for these “proofs.” I’m guessing the average believer probably got lost after the first couple figures he threw out–but doggon if Van Pimp doesn’t make it sound convincing. So he must be right!
As for the blond chippy, Travdog, I would amend your statement slightly to say it looks like the tragic results of the perfect admixture of oxycontin AND botox injections (with perhaps a few xanax thrown in for good measure.) What unintentional self-parody! What a hoot!
20 January 2009, on 1:58 am
People still invoke Nostradamus as some infallible prophet, and the only quatrain he wrote that wasn’t utter gibberish said that the world would end in July, 1999…Oh wait, I just checked, the world’s still here.
Bible prophecy is completely accurate! The book of Daniel made it so by waiting until the things it predicted happened, wrote about them and then backdated the “predictions” by 450 years. I predict that Jimmy Carter will not be re-elected, and that “Happy Days” will literally jump the shark! I, ahh, predicted that in 1975. No, really, I did! It’s in this book with all these erasures and rewriting!
20 January 2009, on 10:31 am
Bill the Plut,
I’ll do you one better. I write down predictions and then mail them to myself in sealed envelopes. I mark the envelopes so I know what’s what, then if the predictions come true, I unseal the envelope in front of friends and family to prove I predicted it. So far, I have a 100% accuracy rate.
Oooooooo…. 100%! That’s a number!
Although, frankly, I got really bored with the game after the fourth prediction.
20 January 2009, on 10:32 am
Sorry, “Splut”, not “Plut”.
21 January 2009, on 12:50 am
I read the Mayan calendar is like an odometer that only goes to 99,999 then goes back to zero. When he said “then subtract the 7″ I found it humorous.