And another one bites the dust
26 August 2008 by KarenIs prevarication a course in seminary colleges? Or do the liars and frauds just naturally navigate toward the ministerial profession? Our special today comes to you from Adelaide, Australia. Yes, we envy our friends in Oz for their lower numbers of Crusaders for Christ, but someone turned over a rather large rock and look who crawled out:
Disgraced pastor Michael Guglielmucci, porn addict (since age 12, no less), who for two years pretended to have cancer and used his “disease” to fleece his flock and get support. He even made a recording of a song, called “Healing,” sung at one point with an oxygen tube coming out of his nose. Here is a YouTube video of the song, with lyrics subtitled. It’s a painfully long and droning, repetitive POS. But I supply it to highlight the delightful irony of the lyrics juxtaposed to the situation Mr. Guglielmucci finds himself in.
>Healer-Guglielmucci-Planetshakers-Hillsong
From an interview with Michael’s father Danny Gugielmucci in The Australian,
“When he was about 12 he did vomit all the time, he’d get really really sick,” he said.
“He was in the Adelaide Children’s Hospital for seven weeks at one stage; he didn’t eat and we thought we were going to lose him.
“They took out his appendix, thinking that it might be that, but they realised that it wasn’t.
“They gave us the option of putting him in a psychiatric ward to see if there was something psychological but we felt uncomfortable with that at the time. (emphasis mine)
“We signed him out from hospital and then he would go a few months and then he would get sick again.
“We’d always take him to hospital; we’d always do the proper thing but they couldn’t get to the bottom of it until now.”
Mr Guglielmucci said he and his wife were in “absolute shock” to discover their son was not terminally ill.
“We have watched our son go through what we thought was cancer,” he said.
“My wife and I, over the past two years, have watched him vomit in buckets, having nosebleeds, and even his hair fell out in clumps at one stage. What the hell kind of porn is he into?
“Every time we saw him, we saw symptoms. He stayed with us for a while where we had to put a special air-conditioner in one of the rooms because he would heat up so much in the middle of winter.
I hear porn will do that for ya.“He had this cold air-conditioner blowing on him to try to keep the heat down. As a professional minister I’ve stood in front of my congregation and cried and said to pray for my son.
“I’ve travelled the world asking people to pray for him. Can you imagine what a horrible thing it would be if I was playing a game? Well, it’s not like they invested anything in it…or did you pass the plate for him too?
“To be honest, I ask myself as a father, ‘What did I miss, what did I not do? What could I have done better?’ ” Um, maybe let him be analyzed and get therapy back when he was 12?
It seems the stress of living a double life guilted Michael into confessing to his minister father and his mother about the fake cancer and his 16 year porn addiction. They thought he had called them urgently to his side because he only had a short time to live. They were shocked- SHOCKED!- to find out he wasn’t dying! His wife of seven years was clueless also. He is NOW getting the psychiatric help he needs and the docs concur that he’s a pretty sick puppy. Wifey’s getting counseling too; “hasn’t made any decisions yet”.
The parents were last seen wandering around and mumbling, “He’s addicted to porn? Why couldn’t he just be dying? ”
Hat tip to my buddy “What” over at NGB for suggesting this post.
Update:
PASTOR Michael Guglielmucci has been told by church officials to report to police, who will investigate what has happened to money raised during his cancer deception.
The Australian Christian Churches told The Advertiser yesterday (Aug. 22) that it was auditing Mr Guglielmucci’s bank accounts, which included money donated from people touched by his hit song Healer.
{snip}
The ACC has promised that all money raised deceptively will be returned or donated to charity.
The Assemblies of God, Australia’s largest Pentecostal movement, adopted its new name of Australian Christian Churches in 2007.The former pastor with one of Australia’s biggest youth churches, Planetshakers, inspired hundreds of thousands of young Christians around the world as he performed with an oxygen tube in his nose.
Healer became an anthem of faith for believers, many of whom are suffering illnesses and were praying for Mr Guglielmucci. The song, featured on Hillsong’s latest album, debuted at No. 2 on the ARIA charts.
In a YouTube video, he tells how the news from the hospital that he had “quite an aggressive form of cancer” inspired his song. “I just went home. I knew I had to go home and needed to get alone with God,” he says in the video.
“I walked into my studio at home and for some reason. . . I sat at a piano and began to worship.
“I sang that song from start to finish. I was crying. I just realised that God had given me an incredible gift and I realise that song was going to be my strength.”
Church community sources said Mr Guglielmucci attended his medical appointments alone.
26 August 2008, on 8:31 pm
Karen:
Maybe he can open a new church when he gets “better”; “Grifters for God” might be a good name.
Hey, who knows what’s going on with that “Bikers for Jesus” church group that got arrested for stabbing some Hell’s Angels. Hell’s Angels getting stabbed by GOBotherers, even if they’re tweaker biker GOBotherers must have Sonny Barger spinning like a fucking gyroscope.
26 August 2008, on 9:54 pm
OK…what’s next with these assholes…
a fucking exorcism?
Somehow, I can (almost) hear the totally phony, dumb-ass devil’s voice growling:
“Wow-wow-wow-wow… ArrghetyArrghetyArrrghghghghghgBlech!!!…
FuckJeebusAndHisPsychoDaddyAndAllYouDirtyStinkingDumbassBibleThumpingFuckheads…
GimmeThatPorn…UnhandThatPlayboy…IwantMyPorn…I NEEDmorePorn…RightNOW…I ain’tLeavin’ThisDumbassMotherfuckerUntil-I-getMyPorn!!!!..
wow-wow-wow-wow-ArrghetyArrghetyArrrghghghghghg…Where’sKaren…
IwannaSuckOnOneOfHer…wow-wow-wow-wow-ArrghetyArrghetyArrrghghghghghg…TSSSSSSS!!! ”
[head spins all the way around?]
27 August 2008, on 2:07 am
…..Za?
27 August 2008, on 8:11 am
Ha haaaa, ChuckA you’ve cracked me up at work again! Now, everyone is looking at me, arrrgghhh porn!
27 August 2008, on 8:19 am
Dude. What? What the hell?
That is just BIZARRE.
27 August 2008, on 8:24 am
and the wonderfully lame song!
… I love the xians lame acoustic guitar songs that are all in the key of G, and all sound exactly the same. I used to go to one of the “emergent” xian churches, you know tattooed pastor, hot college chicks, etc., and of course the cliched worship guy, ripped jeans, hemp cross necklace, sandals, gets up front and talks about the inherent filthiness of mankind as he adjusts his capo, “none of us are worthy bleehh bleehh” and begins to sing the same fucking song as the video, just different words.
…xian musicians, rotfl.
27 August 2008, on 9:02 am
I’ve got an inlaw who has a ‘terminal disease’. She’s been dying for 25 or so years now.
No one wants to call this crazy person on her fakery or face the fact that she needs mental help. They’d rather let her kill herself slowly with unnecessary medical procedures.
It’s not surprising that the churchies shun mental health professionals. They’re afraid some sane person might come along and cure them of their delusions.
27 August 2008, on 9:08 am
So, let me get this straight… this guy faked cancer to explain the bleary eyes and hairy palms that were actually the effects of
wankingguilt? On whom was he playing this trick? Sure not his parents… he’s a grownup! Why didn’t he just fake a miraculous cure?You know, I had an in-law who faked cancer to cover up an affair (how does that work, you ask… so he could travel to another city and stay overnight for “treatments”… yes, his wife soon figured it out). People like that make me wish I believed in karma.
27 August 2008, on 9:47 am
This is just another example that other countries have their religious nutters and there is no escape from them. (We just have so many of them here, though.)
Too many parents fear getting their children psychiatric help because they are afraid of what people will think about them and not thinking about what is best for the child. Then they grow up to be even crazier, some even turn into murderers, eating the flesh of their victims, etc. etc. Untreated, the mental problems only snowball into something much bigger.
27 August 2008, on 11:39 am
Democommie
Hey, ALL churches should have that in their name somewhere! But you know, when he gets “better,” now that he’s in the hands of psychiatrists, all thanks will be given to jeebus, even though jeebus couldn’t do anything to make him better during the 16 years he spent without mental health help.
ChuckA-Rofl! Thanks, I don’t think I’ve ever been included in anyone’s exorcism scene before! I thought you’d do amusical critique of the song, but the exorcism scene rocked. Thanks to Travdog for mentioning the “wonderfully lame ” song, which apparently was a HUGE hit worldwide. Go figger.
Orzo-It’s not clear whether he made this up on purpose or merely convinced himself that he had cancer from his symptoms. The docs now say he his /was convinced he had it. If you’ve been raised a “good Christian boy” I guess it’s better to have a life threatening disease which will garner sympathy than to admit you have a porn addiction.
27 August 2008, on 12:02 pm
Ah. I guess it was the “double life” guilt part that made me think it was purposeful. I say if you’re dying of cancer go ahead and enjoy the porn.
27 August 2008, on 12:34 pm
OurLady, I recently ran across a thread a paranormal forum I lurk at (because paranormal can equal great stories, and I have a character/story I want to write one day) that postulated this question: Was schizophrenia invented in order to keep people from believing in god?
I know, I laughed too.
27 August 2008, on 12:42 pm
AtheistUnderMask,
The crap people will convince themselves of in order to make their delusion fit reality. Sad.
And that comment sounds a lot like something one of those scientology freaks would use. “Be afraid of psychiatrists they’re evil! I know that because a delusional schizophrenic science fiction writer told me so!”
Well gawwwwwleee! Why didn’t you SAY so! That makes ALL the difference.
HA!!
27 August 2008, on 1:02 pm
Obviously this guy’s fuckin nuts, and his religion doesn’t help matters. But I have to call bullshit on the porn addiction. If he ever was addicted, it certainly didn’t happen at age 12. (I’m thinking he just said that for dramatic effect. Those fundies love their drama!)
When I was 12, I of course knew was sex was. But the thought of it absolutely appalled me, and all of my friends felt the same way. I assume that this is pretty typical of most 12-year-olds. I don’t think I even knew that porn existed until I was about 16 or so. Even now, porn doesn’t do much for me. I flip it on every once in awhile, but it’s purely for laughs only. ^_^
And OurLady, I’ve got a relative like that, too! She’s claimed to have MS for about 20 years now, but she shows no signs of disability whatsoever. Somehow she’s managed to convince the right people she’s got it, though, because she gets a disability check every month. Boggles the mind.
27 August 2008, on 1:28 pm
Karen: “I thought you’d do a musical critique of the song…”
Well…Don’t think I didn’t consider doing that; but I could only stand to listen to it for about 15 or so seconds.
Now, Porn…that’s a whole other subject entirely!
Of course, I knew someone amongst us would rise to the occasion in performing a prize worthy critique.
I was right, of course…as Travdawg, I maintain, did a most admirable, yeoman’s job in that regard.
I’ve always thought that Xtian music in general was the last resort of the most questionably talented musicians longing most desperately to be some kind of ‘Pop/Rock’ stars.
For my old-timer musician’s ‘taste’…it’s all tantamount to…
“Barf-o-Rama” time!
And speaking “in tongues”…Tongues alot, Karen…
Glad you “enjoyed” the exorcism scene!
[I was partly inspired by a sudden memory of an old conversation we had here on GifS RE 'Breasts'. I don't know, of course, if you remember that or not...?
I guess I'm finally living up to the longtime "dirty old man" accusation!]
27 August 2008, on 3:08 pm
“I’ve always thought that Xtian music in general was the last resort of the most questionably talented musicians longing most desperately to be some kind of ‘Pop/Rock’ stars.” — ChuckA
——————
That is pretty much my assessment of the genre.
When they’re too lame or insane to make it in the big markets their moms or their managers always end up reinventing them as “xian” singers.
I expect that’s jessica simpson’s next step when her daddy’s pathetic attempt to make her a country singer is over.
xian music is an oxymoron.
It’s the kind of thing I only hear in the presence of really insincere religiosity. Over the top, big circus tent kind of revival stupidity or those horrible sunday morning evangelical shows. Ugh.
It’s always painfully simplistic. Four beats. Major chords. Lots of crescendo. And lyrics that could easily have been written by a computer. Just feed all the necessary terms into it, set the number of times the words ‘god’ and ‘jebus’ should appear and poof, instant xian muzak.
If there were a hell this is the kind of music you’d hear in the elevators.
27 August 2008, on 3:12 pm
LOL! Is it really that easy to fake cancer in Australia? ‘cuz my mom had cancer and she was always at the hospital and taking chemo and vomiting and taking more drugs to boost her immune system after her sister donated bone marrow (can that be faked too?) …
Did no one stop to say… “Hey, dude, maybe if you have cancer you should go to a doctor?” And then once they go to the hospital, the doctor says, “Nope, no cancer. You’re a hypochondriac.”
?!
I’ve faked being sick to get out of school, but damn, he went all the way. I don’t think I could keep that up for years. And his poor wife too. She must feel like a complete idiot now.
27 August 2008, on 3:52 pm
OurLady, another guy there said that Earth wasn’t a planet, it was a land we were given by god, and that the planets and the solar system, et.al, were nothing more than an elaborate conspiracy. He also said he “disproved” science.
Although I will admit, that view IS supported by the Bible.
27 August 2008, on 6:34 pm
Our British friends will understand when I just say: what a wanker! (Literally.)
I think fundies’ reluctance to seek modern medical care, especially psychiatric help, is because doing so brings them more into direct confrontation with the cognitive dissonance they have to force themselves to live with every day in order to rationalize their extreme, literal beliefs. If you insist that all you have to do to make everything hunky-dory is pray, then resorting to doctors is a form of admitting that it just doesn’t work, and once you’re there, you face the slippery slope of acknowledging that some if not all of your absolutist beliefs are really crap.
In other words, fundy meets reality and head asplodey. And of course the ones who suffer the most, as always, are the kids.
27 August 2008, on 7:42 pm
ChuckA- Darn, I can’t recall the breasts convo. I have a vague recollection that it happened, but can’t dredge up the particulars. With any luck it will come back to me at a most inappropriate moment!
To all those who’ve wondered how he faked the cancer: I dunno. I made an update with info saying he went to all his appointment alone. But you’d think there’d be some kind of paper trail, pharmaceuticals, bills, etc. Maybe his wife didn’t ask any questions and doesn’t handle any of the money in the household. Traditional xian family values and all.
Sarah, when I was 10, a lot of us kids already knew a lot about sex, but I don’t think we were appalled by it. I probably would have done it with my boyfriend if he had initiated it, but I was ingrained with the notion that girls don’t do that. I embarrassed him deeply once asking him what 69 meant, cos some of the guys were teasing us about it. He wouldn’t tell me. When I learned what it was, I found out I already was familiar with it (courtesy of my abusive bastard grandfather) but just didn’t know the slang term. As for exposure to porn, my boyfriend had an older brother who left Playboys all over the house for us to see. But his mom tried very hard to clean up after him, or not let me in the house unless she was there to spot check for decency’s sake!
27 August 2008, on 9:01 pm
If that song hasn’t brought God’s wrath upon us, I think we can stop worrying about the world’s sinful ways. Geezus that’s awful!
28 August 2008, on 1:31 am
Wow. That song is. Just. Aweful. The banality is exceeded only by the cloying sweetness.
Sarah–Given that kids are growing up faster these days, and it’s now all over the place, it would not surprise me if he was viewing it at that time. Whether he was addicted or not, who knows. But given that I know people who were addicted to drugs, alcohol and tobacco at age 10, it is not beyond the realm of possiblity that this guy was indeed addicted to smut.
A question that no one has posed–Not to blame the victim, but what did his wife think he was doing all that time he was on the computer? I’ve heard porn addiction is all consuming. I mean, c’mon, was this woman blind or just that trusting?
Yeah, I do feel sorry for his wife and children. I feel sorry for him, too, until I’m reminded that this smut-meister scammed people. No amount of mental illness excuses that.
28 August 2008, on 12:36 pm
Hmm, maybe I was just a little too sheltered as a kid. I did grow up in rural Iowa after all. And with all those lovely Christian values pounded into my head. Perhaps my disgust with sex was due to the fact that I was told it was evil, and even during marriage it was a necessary evil and you weren’t supposed to enjoy it. Obviously my view is 100% different now. Although I’m still not sexually active it’s just cause I’m a bit shy and I haven’t found the right guy that I’m comfortable enough to do it with.
As for drugs, the biggest thing around was pot. I know there are plenty of harder drugs to be found in Des Moines, but we were 50 miles away and really wouldn’t have any idea where to begin looking for them.
30 August 2008, on 12:35 am
^”As for drugs, the biggest thing around was pot. I know there are plenty of harder drugs to be found in Des Moines, but we were 50 miles away and really wouldn’t have any idea where to begin looking for them.”
I’m from the midwest too. That’s where all the drugs ARE–especially the small towns. Meth labs get busted daily in the Buybull belt.
Don’t worry about being “too sheltered.” Porn is mostly silly, and drug addicts are either boring or dramatic to the point of absurdity. You didn’t miss out on much in those regards.
I wish for you nothing but good luck on finding the right guy. When you find the right person, sex is truly outstanding!