Christian magicians
30 May 2008 by Stardust
Travdawg pointed me to this site and I had to read it several times to make sure it was legit and not another satirical site. But it’s real! And the irony is marvelous! Christian Magicians Convention!
Some of the featured events at this international convention are:
Fulfilling God’s mission through your Gospel Magic;
Gospel “magic”…the Bible is full of magic trickery…turning water into wine, rivers turning into blood, parting of the waters, raising people from dead…etc.
Following God’s command through your Chalk Drawings;
[Well, the bible says to come as little children.]Rejoicing in God’s favor through your Ventriloquism & Storytelling;
[Like God taking through a burning bush, the devil talking through a snake...what talent! And we know the Bible is full of fantastic storytelling!]
Marveling at God’s Grace when children respond to His call through you Clowning
[God just can't seem to get his message across without entertainment via goofy people and strange characters.]Revealing God’s glory through your Puppetry
[That's what most believers think their god is...a puppetmaster pulling strings of billions and billions of people alive and dead.]
Expressing God’s beauty through the art of Face Painting
[So Gob has a painted clown face???
]
Declaring God’s word through Drama & Juggling
[Christians love to be dramatic...and juggling would probably wake up the boring services a bit.]
Delighting in God’s way through your Balloon Artistry; . . .
[Balloon "artistry?" WTF??]
Speaking of balloon artistry, check out this video. The very end is hilarious. (I thought so anyway.)
One big “Circus for Jeebus! Thanks Travdawg…that was quite amusing.
30 May 2008, on 5:58 pm
Over at Pharyngula, I learned the name for such a mental dilemna, Star. When the substance of a topic is, by it’s very nature, so over the top as to be indistinguishable from the satire of same, it’s referred to as Poe’s Law and takes it’s place next to Godwin’s presumably.
Also, why is there a picture of John Wayne Gacy and a purple headed chick up there?
“Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines…
…He could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix
He could’ve told the future
He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could’ve danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool…”
-John S. Hall
King Missile(Dog Fly Religion)
30 May 2008, on 6:58 pm
As much as I HATE clowns, I’m gonna suck it up and go under cover. I’ve picked out some seminars to attend:
1)This is a Balloon
(Didn’t want to pull any muscles my first day.)
2)Advanced 160 Twisting
Sounds a bit naughty, like it might be useful for something.
3)Cram & Jam
Ditto.
4)You’re a Clown, Make Me Laugh
Yeah, I dare ya. Try it. If ya can’t make me laugh, I’m gonna sucker-punch ya in the balls.
5)Farm Animals Face Painting Class
Why farm animals would want their faces painted, I can’t guess, but maybe they explain it in the class. Or maybe they teach farm animals how to do face painting. THAT could be fun.
6)Sponging Techniques
I hope there’s a hot tub involved.
7)Ministry Uses of a Silent Puppet-Tricky Ricky
The silent puppet scares me almost as much as the teacher, Tricky Ricky, but going under cover does have its risks. And you know if I only go for the easy courses they’ll catch on to me. So I may have to take one for the team. Yikes!
30 May 2008, on 7:43 pm
Want an even greater laugh? Go read their statement of faith!!!! Christian clowns have a statement of faith….LOL!!! Read the code of ethics of the magic profession…LOL!!! Check it out!
From the Christian Clown website:
http://www.fcm.org/statement_of_faith.php
(1) reaching lost souls and encouraging growth in the body of Christ through the use of such talents as magic, ventriloquism, and associated crafts, (2) diligently to be a more proficient performer with these talents, and (3) carefully uphold the code of ethics of the magic profession (relative to exposure of magical effects and ideas).
“Relative to exposure of magical effects and ideas”…like, um, Intelligent Design???
30 May 2008, on 11:03 pm
Jesus Christ! He blew a Cat.
LMAO too good.
30 May 2008, on 11:04 pm
Karen, are you sure you’re spongeworthy?
30 May 2008, on 11:30 pm
Isn’t ‘xian clown’ kind of redundant?
30 May 2008, on 11:40 pm
How can I make fun of these fucking idiots? it’s like making fun of people with congenital birth defects. But, wait, they want to “save me” by goin’ all “Krusty” on me–well fuck them, then.
30 May 2008, on 11:46 pm
Jesus Christ! He blew a Cat.
Jimmer, when it got to the end of the video at that part with the cat,I almost choked on a chocolate covered peanut. Hilarious! How about when Jeebus comes home after not being able to find a job and lays across Mary’s lap like the Pieta. I was cracking up at that part.
31 May 2008, on 10:45 am
Stardust
I thought that whole clip was pretty funny. Notice when he is laying across her lap that they have a light in back of them making them glow.
31 May 2008, on 10:58 am
RDZ
OF course I’m spongeworthy! It’s a matter of whether or not my partner is, dontcha see?
Thanks for the clip though, I hadn’t seen that episode in a while!
31 May 2008, on 12:10 pm
I can’t help wondering…
would any of those born-again clowns even register double digits on a standard I.Q. test?
In lieu of the old, now politically incorrect, term…”retarded”…perhaps they’d qualify as…
“Magically Challenged”?
Or, the new category of “birth defect”:
“Clown gifted”?
Did Jeebus include them in the mythical Sermon on the Mount…(subsequently deleted by Constantine)
“Blessed are the clowns; for they shall inherit…
the old rusted out 1974 VW Super Beatle…AND…
the party leftover, dried out…hard as a carp…
sponge cake.”
31 May 2008, on 1:41 pm
Notice when he is laying across her lap that they have a light in back of them making them glow.
Jimmer, yep…I noticed that. And what about the red flaming glow from under his bed and he leans down and looks under and says “stop bothering me, Lucifer!” LMAO!
Then in the beginning, did you notice the book on Jesus’ nightstand “Idiot’s Guide to Buddhism”?
I also paused it to read Jesus’ resume. Job he had with descriptions.
This whole video was well done for amateurs.
31 May 2008, on 1:43 pm
�Blessed are the clowns; for they shall inherit�
the old rusted out 1974 VW Super Beatle�AND�
the party leftover, dried out�hard as a carp�
sponge cake.�
1 June 2008, on 1:28 am
Clowns have been spreading the word of gawd for millennia–it’s just that before they were simply referred to as “Christians.”
2 June 2008, on 9:36 am
The amusement is endless, we’ve been faith healing each other mime-style, and praising jeebus with our puppetry, for the last week or so at the office.
Even my christian friends are laughing at it.
2 June 2008, on 11:17 am
Travdawg, sounds like you’ve all been having some fun to break up the work day! LOL! This stuff is so much fun to joke about. And it really does expose their sky daddy beliefs for the circus it really is.
Here is another website I found
Clowning 4 Christ
And
Jesters and Jammin for Jeebus
AND everything you need to start your very own clown
scamministry:Clown Ministry
2 June 2008, on 3:06 pm
More giggles than the book of Romans… I’m going to start my own clown ministry!
4 June 2008, on 11:43 pm
This is just too funny. I don’t usually think clowns are very funny but just add Jesus and see what happens. Can you imagine how really fuckin delusional these people must be?