“Lost” in the suburbs?
19 April 2007 by Stardust
A new “megachurch” was built recently down the road from the subdivision in which I live, so whenever I drive up the road now that used to be nice fields of greenery, there is this monstrous mythology temple obnoxiously polluting the visual aesthetics of my once beautiful scenery I loved to see on my way to and from home. In front of this mythology temple is the sign shown in the image in this post. The words annoyed me and I may still write that pastor a letter telling him that this is a wonderful town and ask him why he is trying to convince people here, in this happy village, that they have a problem and are somehow “lost”. The town I live in is full of prosperous people, full of large homes, Blue Ribbon schools, horse ranches, Park District with all kinds of activities for everyone, low crime, wide open spaces all around us, nice trails to walk or bike on, ponds to sit by, streams to fish in, adequate shopping, a brand new cinema, and much, much more. So why is this new church trying to convince everyone they are “lost” and bring us down in spirit? Because they are counting on baiting those who have a victim mentality instead of looking at the good things in their lives. Churches gain members who are negative and love the pity-partying.
How many of us have driven by similar signs that are placed strategically in front of church properties with the same negative messages? Churches try to sell people a line that they are somehow a victim, that despite all that they have — family, good food, good friends, nice cars and homes, good health, a beautiful town in which to live…that they are lacking anyway. Since there are so many who fall for this promotion of “I have a problem”, no wonder there are so many depressed people in the world.
19 April 2007, on 9:44 pm
Everyone knows the US needs more churches.
Although, good news! There used to be a church across the street from my old high school, but it was torn down and replaced by duplexes. Finally, church land going to something people actually need!
19 April 2007, on 9:59 pm
AUM – that’s great news!
Have you ever thought about how these churches just sit empty? For most churches, there are only people there a few times a week, at most. And they take up space where wildlife once thrived. All for the glory of gawd.
19 April 2007, on 10:16 pm
It’s the concept that human beings are essentially evil, or bad, that I have problems with. What is it to tell a child or an adult that they are evil, or fallen by nature and that they have to strive their entire life for supernatural approval?
The evidence of human history suggests that people are capable of doing fantastic things and terrible things. God belief, or the lack of it – doesn’t appear to guarentee that anyone’s actions will be more positive than the next persons.
19 April 2007, on 10:34 pm
Exactly, beepbeep. The funny thing about that is watching the reactions of the xians when you bring up that according to their myths, their loving gawd murdered every BABY, and every CHILD when he flooded the earth.
Honestly, I’m incapable of hurting anyone intentionally or without consent mostly because my worldview called freedom won’t allow me to. No gawd belief necessary.
And Stardust, the church was just one little building with a HUGE yard and a parking lot. So much space being used for a once a week deal. Now there are about eight, maybe more, duplexes that people will live in 24/7. Only bad thing is they removed the parking lot that I used to park in while waiting for my little brother.
But it’s worth not seeing that stupid lower case “t” they always had.
But every time I say something like “yeah, we sure need more churches” I get the evil eye from xians and they try to argue with me. Of course, I pull out that town in Texas which is going bankrupt because it has more churches that tax paying residence or business.
19 April 2007, on 10:35 pm
I once saw a church sign (in the Texas summertime) that said “Think this is hot? Hell is hotter.”
So friendly and welcoming!
19 April 2007, on 10:55 pm
How about this one? “Read the Bible, It will scare the hell out of you”
19 April 2007, on 10:57 pm
This is a funny one I have seen, too…
“Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has”
Or more appealing to negativity….
“Tired of being a loser? Turn to God”
19 April 2007, on 11:03 pm
It’s the concept that human beings are essentially evil, or bad, that I have problems with. What is it to tell a child or an adult that they are evil, or fallen by nature and that they have to strive their entire life for supernatural approval?
beepbeep – This was one of the things that started us on our drift away from religion and god belief. One day, when our daughter was a little girl wasn’t saying the confessional prayer in church and my husband asked her why, and she said “because it says I am bad and I am not bad.”….and she WASN’T bad so how could we tell a sweet little kid who never got into any trouble that she was bad or had evil inside her? That is when we started to realize the absurdity of that kind of thinking.
19 April 2007, on 11:06 pm
Use the church sign generator to feel better.
http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/
19 April 2007, on 11:30 pm
“Pity-partying” is exactly how I’d describe a lot of woos. They’re so wound up about finding some place, and sitting on their duffs hoping for a better world that they can’t appreciate the wonder and beauty staring them down every day, or work towards improving the not-beautiful things.
But hey, why put any, you know, effort into anything when you can just publicly waves a few candles and sing a few songs whenever something goes wrong?
Sorry. I’m in a nasty mood, and I need a little cheering up.
20 April 2007, on 12:28 am
Star
Maybe the churchers are really confessing that THEY are the ones “Lost” in the burbs and made a big mistake by planting their monstrosity in the midst of your natural greenery?
No?
My response would be “Yeah, YOU sure ARE lost!”
20 April 2007, on 12:38 am
Love your response karen! That’s a good one and if you don’t mind, I am going to steal it! It would be so great to be able to sneak over there in the night and change their sign to “Come here and get lost” or something like that. But we looked and their is a glass over the letters. Oh well, nice to fantasize about it, LOL!
20 April 2007, on 2:44 am
You should change it to “Lust in the suburbs” and see how long it takes for them to notice…..
I’ve heard of another problem cropping up in urban areas: Mosque prayers on loudspeaker. So much worse than church bells on the hour.
On the flip side of that, my university had a carillon in its chapel tower, and it was beautiful. I loved listening to people play it.
20 April 2007, on 10:14 am
[3rd attempt on this comment...wasn't 'accepted' yesterday.]
Beepbeepitsme?…Can I call you “Beep” for short?
Your rhetorical question [in #3]: “What is it to tell a child or an adult that they are evil, or fallen by nature…” tends to remind me of my opinion on the matter; that it’s the old ‘mental abuse’ ploy by people who are basically…and subconsciously…”Sado/Masochists”…as is the essential nature of ALL tribal, irrational religions.
The long term, unrecognized, historical (or hysterical) human, tribal based and ignorant habit of passing on this lying “fallen” notion, is due to that irrational: “It was good enough for MY parents and their forebearers…it’s good enough for you”…
you filthy, unworthy, thankless little upstart!
Yeah…remember that obnoxiously stupid babble tune:
“Gimme that Old-Time Religion”?
[OK...Please follow me now; you too, Naomi...
as I "Plunk my magic twanger"?]
Of course, y’all probably know what I think ‘they’ can do with their Old-Time Religions…
What!…a crack (or crater?) in the “Dark side of the Pale Moon”?
[Perhaps only visible when hanging out a car window...or at Friday prayer...in some: "We're infiltrating and just finished installing our loud speakers", neighborhood mosque?]
What’s that, Stardust?…Get to the point?…way, WAY up…”Where the Sun ‘don’t’ shine”?
“YeeeEE-HAAH!”
Then again, their ain’t an arsehole big enough…erm…
Wait a minute…
“I think I’m having a vision…I see a big…Security fenced-in White house…Hmmm!…You don’t think…?”
OK; ‘Nough of THAT sillines; Seriously…
I must say Stardust…that sign (the REAL one, of course)…just ‘yearns’, BIG-time, for some late-nite, sneaky text editing!
Have I been reading your mind…HmmMM?
20 April 2007, on 10:29 am
[3rd attempt on this comment…wasn’t ‘accepted’ yesterday.]
Chuck – I was thinking it was my internet connection because the same thing happened to me when I was trying to put up my post yesterday. I guess it was a WordPress issue…grrrrr. Maybe they were doing maintenance on the server or something.
And if there wasn’t that locked glass around that sign by me, yes…there would be a 52-year-old mom thinking very seriously about playing some scrabble with their message.LOL!
20 April 2007, on 10:37 am
Duh? Don’t you realize that the more happy and blessed you are the more guilty and rotten you’re supposed to feel?
Here is where the Internet Anagram Server can come to your aid: “Blurbs unites host” or “Blob unrests thus I”. Or my favorite: “stubble horn suits”!!
20 April 2007, on 11:21 am
Star, what a nail you’ve hit on the head with this one, not only about the silly messages on the church boards, but giant monstrosities of churches taking up beautiful green space. What’s wrong with holding a church service out in open nature if you’re that intent on having one? But I kind of know the answer to that: they don’t want people simply enjoying the outdoors. They want them trapped inside so that they can brainwash them more easily!
ChuckA, I hate that “Old Time Religion” song too…
20 April 2007, on 11:26 am
Stardust,
I think you have every right to send a letter to that church. You can plagiarize your own post. You said it so beautifully. We’re so “blessed” in this country (meaning: we have so incredibly much in the way of wealth, opportunities, etc…) that the only way these churches can reel people in is to make them feel like there’s something wrong. Oh, and that they are the ones with the answers.
It makes me think of the Pharma(s) and all their ads. “Do you breathe? Really? Well, sheesh, you better take this pill because were you aware that you’re not getting everything out of breathing that you could be! In fact, 10 out of 10 live people breathe!” It’s all a bunch of nonsense created to make you spend money on something. In this case, it’s the church.
Disgusting.
20 April 2007, on 12:06 pm
In the farm fields surrounding where I grew up are these montrosity churches, too. They are like ugly metal pole barns with pre-fab steeples attached.
I thought the old churches that took hundreds of years to build were supposed to show the glory of god in the work of mankind.
These horse barns that pass for churches must show what a low opinion these worshippers have for their own god as well as themselves.
eeuugh.
20 April 2007, on 12:08 pm
There’s a church in the nearby “big town” that regularly has *ahem* interesting signs. One that we still laugh about is: “Jesus is Lord. Bend to his holy will.”
I saw this one there just before Easter:
“Jesus loves everyone. You can be next.”
My DH is convinced that church is just a cover for a bath house.
20 April 2007, on 12:23 pm
Regarding the Church’s need to promote discontent I have a considerable note at http://freedemocrat.blogspot.com/ that might be of interest.
20 April 2007, on 12:31 pm
Current church sign in Dallas:
“Got Jesus? It’s hell without him.”
My thoughts exactly.
20 April 2007, on 1:09 pm
David W – I bet that would be “standing room only” every Sunday if they just talked about sex! And there are enough babble passages to cover all kinds of sexual topics!
I have posted and commented on this a bunch of times since it really pisses me off. In Chicagoland there are about 50+ large mosques and in a couple of muslim mosque areas I know of, particularly the huge Bridgeview mosque in the southwest suburbs, I have heard the annoying wailing over the loudspeakers that blast in the surrounding neighborhood announcing the prayer time. I would like to know why they need such blaring sirens to let them know it’s time to pray. Dont they believe in wearing watches? And ironic they need human technology to tell them it’s time to talk to their imaginary friend.
20 April 2007, on 1:11 pm
“Jesus loves everyone. You can be next.”
audrey…that is like something from a Stephen King novel…”you could be next” followed by evil Vincent Price laughter along with high-pitched ear-piercing scream.
20 April 2007, on 1:15 pm
These horse barns that pass for churches must show what a low opinion these worshippers have for their own god as well as themselves.
Jess, there is a church about five miles up on I-80 not far from me that is also one of those mega monstrosities, and honestly it looks just like a bowling emporium! Even the logo. It’s called “Family Harvest” of all things…Harvesting people for Christ I guess…ewww. Children of the Corn comes to mind!
Check out the logo as seen on their website and tell me if that doesn’t look like bowling pins and a bowling ball behind them. From the highway it sure does!
20 April 2007, on 1:38 pm
Stardust
Glad you liked my comment; use it in any way you like!
Perhaps you could visit the sign and leave an offering there – a local map with roads hi-lighted showing the way out of the area, or maybe a an ad from Radio Shack for a GPS system.
20 April 2007, on 2:01 pm
The only thing lost in that suburb was a wonderful habitat necessary to many living species. It has been replaced by a wasteland of metal and asphalt, inhabitated intermittently by one species who gather there to fantasize about a fictious, eternal habitat for the dead.
20 April 2007, on 2:04 pm
“They’re here already! You’re next! You’re next!”
20 April 2007, on 3:25 pm
Stardust,
I will tell you why they came to your town is one simple word… “MONEY”.
You described your area as somewhat ‘well-to-do’ and that is a huge flashing (dollar) sign for a new church to pop up.
All that tax-free money! Wow… I seriously need to start up my own church… First FSM Church, or Holy Church of FSM, or maybe Saint Boyardee the Patron Chef.
20 April 2007, on 5:32 pm
Thanks, markbt73…for the reminder of a true, early Sci-Fi classic. I was 16 when I first saw that in the theater.
That rather creepy highway ending scene, with Kevin McCarthy shouting that dire warning to the unsuspecting, really does play into much of what’s going on today…as does George Orwell’s 1984. Hey, Orwell was only off by about 20 years…but “what the hey”!
BigTex71…Sounds good to me! To start off with, you can get ordained…FREE…on the Internet…and the FSM theme fits perfectly with a wonderful aromatic communion liturgy.
I might suggest one more name idea…of course staying with basic Spaghetti Cosmology…how bout a Monty Pythonesque name like:
“St Bonkers of the Pasta and Cheese”?
At get togethers; perhaps in addition to suggesting BYOB (wine?)…you might suggest BYOP…
or “Bring your own Parmesan”
Then again, like the Catlick priests sprinkle ‘holy water’ on everything… you could sprinkle cheese on the congregation. No?
I don’t know…just a few ‘mustard seed’ ideas. Of course…Like; I may be too old to cut the mustard…
but not too old to cut the cheese!…if you get my drift? [Ooooh...Sorry!]
What’s that?…Those ideas smell like Rotten cabbage? What else?…Is it drifting your way?
Sorta like an Internet “Smell-O-Vision”?…
I’m sure you remember…Duck and cover?
Finally…
With all the crazy news this week…yeah…even here on GifS; I’m reminded of the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” mantra:
“Whatever you do; don’t panic”!
21 April 2007, on 10:09 am
Family harvest has always reminded me of the sci fi show where they come with the good book for the humans and when translated it is a cookbook for the aliens.
The sign that bothers me is “all are welcome”.
What would happen if 10 or 20 of us would show up?? Would we all be welcome when we questioned what was being said?? When the pastor or minister was flabbergasted by the comments and facts against his preachings??
“all are welcome” would soon be changed.
21 April 2007, on 11:27 am
That sounds too tempting! I imagine they would call the police and have us all tossed out or even arrested. The police department would always side with a mythology temple in these parts, yuppie as they may be. It would be funny until they got there, however. I can imagine if we started questioning things during the sermon…make it into a “discussion”. It’s my bet we would see fewer and fewer signs with invitations like “come join us.”
21 April 2007, on 9:57 pm
I saw a new billboard a few towns over, today. It says “Intelligent people know the bible” …
Now I need some guidance, people, because I am tempted more than anything to sneak over and write at its end, “is FALSE.” They made it so simple to do, too. They left plenty of room. Besides, aren’t they just BEGGING for it? Although I suppose it IS true that intelligent people know the bible, but not in the way these people intend it. Ah, what to do!
21 April 2007, on 10:07 pm
karen, Tempting!
22 April 2007, on 10:10 am
“Intelligent people know the bible”
And stay away in droves.
or
and close their minds to the truth
or
and are brainwashed to giving us money
or
and haven’t switched to scientology yet.
or
and haven’t committed suicide yet.
or
and have screwed their neighbors
or
and have broken every moral law
or
add your own post
22 April 2007, on 10:38 am
Kate
Do it!
I’ll help bail you out of jail if you get caught!
22 April 2007, on 11:22 am
Just read this one today…
“Thank you God, For answering prayers when you know we REALLY want it!
23 April 2007, on 2:42 pm
^ Because prayer, of course, doesn’t work unless you really want it.
I guess all those children being molested, tortured, raped, mutilated, and murdered all over the world all the time don’t really want their desperate, depairing prayers for help answered.
Sick.
25 April 2007, on 1:02 pm
In AL there are a bunch of meth labs. Whenever I visit my parents and cross the AL border, there is the largest billboard I’ve ever seen in the middle of the sticks that says “Meth Destroys. Jesus Saves.” And it has a picture of a guy screaming with his eyes closed and his hands holding his ears. I use it as a landmark now.