Update to “God Has Retired and Moved to South Florida”
21 February 2007 by Eve
Yes, the End Times have officially arrived; behold the Anti-Christ!
In case his name seems familiar, it’s because we first met him in Stardust’s January 25, 2007 post, God Has Retired and Moved to South Florida. Apparently he’s decided that simply being the Second Coming of Christ was just not enough to con – excuse me, convert people – in the highly competitive market of religious cults.
[snippets] Members of Growing in Grace, a controversial religious sect headquartered in Doral, said they were following the example of their leader, José Luis De Jesús Miranda [in English, "Joseph Louis of Jesus Miranda"], who has claimed to be Jesus and recently declared himself the Antichrist…
It’s a sign most Christians would shun, because for centuries the numbers have been associated with Satan. But for the 30 or so church members who branded themselves with 666 and SSS — the initials of De Jesús’ motto, ‘’salvo siempre salvo,” or ‘’saved always saved” — it’s a mark of their absolute faith in De Jesús…
De Jesús — who preaches that sin and the devil were destroyed when Jesus died on the cross and that God’s chosen already have been saved — has built a massive movement around his claim to divinity. Followers call him ”Daddy” and ”God” and lavish him with $5,000 Rolexes and sometimes 40 percent or more of their salaries…
In his sermons, De Jesús emphasizes wealth and success as a sign of God’s favor…
In 1988, De Jesús announced he was the reincarnation of the Apostle Paul. In 1999, he dubbed himself ”the Other,” a spiritual superbeing who would pave the way for Christ’s second coming. In 2004, he proclaimed himself to be Jesus Christ. That claim caused some prominent members to defect from the movement — including De Jesús’ first wife, Nydia, and his son Jose Luis Jr., who started his own church in Puerto Rico…
De Jesús’ followers have lashed out against organized Christianity because they believe their prophet holds the true gospel, they say. His adherents have disrupted Catholic processions on Good Friday and protested outside an evangelical church gathering in Miami’s Tropical Park. Last July, they tore up literature published by the Jehovah’s Witnesses and other Christian movements during a march in downtown Miami…
We really should sit this guy down with all the other megalomaniacs claiming to be incarnations of Christ and Jesus (isn’t the Rev. Sun Myung Moon still around?) and such, and let them work it all out among themselves – or get rid of each other in the process. Of course, I don’t know how seriously to take someone calling himself the Anti-Christ who doesn’t even know that the Number of the Beast is actually “616,” not “666.”
And is it fear of the hurricanes in Florida that keeps driving people into these conmen’s corrals?!
21 February 2007, on 5:35 pm
Eve,
I’ve studied these guys for years in an futile attempt to learn the secrets of how to bilk suckers out of their hard-earned wealth (and often screw their women and children too – but only the good-looking ones), all to no avail.
What am I doing wrong?
21 February 2007, on 5:39 pm
I keep telling people at work that I am the Second Coming of Christ, no one believes me… or goes into the lunch room when they know that I’m there.
wtf?
21 February 2007, on 5:41 pm
And, hey, just because I refer to children, don’t accuse me of being a paedophile – apart from which, if it was good enough for Muhammad, why not for the rest of us since it must be ‘God ordained’.
21 February 2007, on 5:43 pm
no one … goes into the lunch room when they know that I’m there.
Well, that’s one way to make sure you get the best seat!
21 February 2007, on 5:56 pm
We should sic these a-holes on the loudspeaker Muslims, & see who comes out on top.
Don’t the sheeple see this guy keeps changing his mind?
(that’s a rhetorical question, BTW: obviously not)
21 February 2007, on 5:57 pm
It’s always amused me how superstitious people are about a man-made system like numbers and dates. From your same link at Answers.com:
Say that one even once!
Hold whatever animosity you must against muslims and MEers, Man would have languished into ignorant obscurity long ago–if we had to learn to do long-division using Roman Numerals!
Long live Arabic numbering!
Seriously, time-measurement, dates and calendars were invented by man–in fact, by many, many men, in many countries, in many different times. Gone are the–
Julian Calendar:
–and the Mayan. But–
Sorry for going OT–I forgot what we were talking about…
21 February 2007, on 6:05 pm
Sorry for going OT–I forgot what we were talking about…
You want to watch that, Naomi – deffo sign of geriatricity ( and I speak from experience).
21 February 2007, on 6:13 pm
I beg to disagree! It only means that my mind leaped in another direction and had me out fishing for more interesting info, albeit on a very minor point made within Eve’s larger one. *digs hole deeper with mouth* Not to say that Eve’s post was boring–Xinsanity is infinitely entertaining…
My apologies, Eve! My mind wandered, rather like it did when Eskel Frederickson delivered his 25-30 minute sermons. However, he was beloved for his fundraising that had built the grand church we nodded off in every Sunday, but which had replaced the quaint and Norman Rockwell-ian white clapboard church complete with bellfry…
21 February 2007, on 6:16 pm
TOG, to bilk people out of their money just start selling energized Water, Dowsing Rods, do cold readings and make shit up ala Sylvia Browne and John Edward, bend a spoon, people will flock to you and just start handing you cash. The only things you’ll have to worry about are your conscience and Inland Revenue.
21 February 2007, on 6:21 pm
Was that The Eskel Frederickson, the noted conman, child abuser and coprophagist?
21 February 2007, on 6:27 pm
Revenant,
Don’t fancy any of those – how about I just make up shit about how ‘God’ spoke to me and told me what to dictate to some other guys to write down?
It worked for Muhammed, why not me?
Or even that I was walking up a mountain, and suddenly ‘God’ wrote ‘The Laws’ on a couple of bits of rock?
No?
Well, how about I tell them about the gold plates I found, with ‘God’s ‘ words inscribed on them?
Or maybe I was just destined to be a poor but honest man!
21 February 2007, on 6:30 pm
In his sermons, De Jesús emphasizes wealth and success as a sign of God’s favor.(sic)
Makes me glad to be poor!
21 February 2007, on 6:31 pm
I should have said ‘proud’!
21 February 2007, on 6:36 pm
I’m not sure, TOG. He was in his late 40s during the 1950s…
(Gack!!! I just flashed on my BFF, Cindy, explaining sexual intercourse. “Nuhn-uhn!!! You’re lying!”, I screamed at her. And then spent that night thinking, “Mom and Dad? No!” And QEII had just had Andrew, so: “Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip? No!” And Eskel and his missus had just had child-number-three, so: “Rev. Frederickson and his wife? NO!!!” Alas, how naive and ignorant I was…)
21 February 2007, on 6:40 pm
Naomi,
He was still around spreading his lies in 1979, at least.
21 February 2007, on 7:02 pm
And QEII had just had Andrew, so: “Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip? No!”
Anything’s possible, Naomi. For example, did you know that when ‘Lizzie’ was esconsed in her palace in Edinburgh (Holyrood Palace) she used to write her private letters from a writing desk built across her toilet bowl.
Yes, folks, it’s true. The same hand that wiped the royal arse penned that hand-written note you received!
So much more hygienic in the olden days when the monarch employed a ‘Keeper of the Stool’ to wipe their royal arse after a shit!
21 February 2007, on 7:22 pm
Has this guy ever done anything to prove his divinity other than to smile and say “I’m It!”
Do the sheeple just take his word for it?
How do they get to be so dumb? Fast food diets?
21 February 2007, on 7:34 pm
Karen,
When you find out the answer to that, please let me know _ I’ll even cut you in on a percentage of what I make from screwing the mutton-heads!
21 February 2007, on 9:42 pm
Gawd is always crap with money. He always needs a little more..
21 February 2007, on 9:48 pm
karen:
How do they get to be so dumb? Fast food diets?
LMAO! The ‘Twinkie’ defense.
Hmmm…adds ominous foreshadowing to the phrase, ‘Super size me!’
21 February 2007, on 10:52 pm
oiy.. I looke at that photo before I read the article..
I thought Donny Osmond had gone all pudgy or something.
As for the massive stupidity, Fast Food additives would be a conspiratory theorists wet dream LOL. Can you imagine if that burger were laced with LSD or other mind altering drug?
Then again, considering what they pump into the livestock that becomes those burgers, you may not be too far off the mark.
22 February 2007, on 2:57 am
Hey, Eve…what’s so strange about another totally wack humanoid; given the history of this little cosmic turdball that we’re all inhabiting?
So we’re back into those “EEEEWWW”! moments we’ve most likely all had.
Naomi, it’s your fault! After straying off from Eve’s perfectly ‘normal’ anti-christ shtick, into man’s numerological madness…you go and do an impossible, unexpected, UFO-like, 90 degree turn into that strange childhood world of:
“No…that can’t be!…MY parents would never do THAT!” kind of horrors. My dad stuck his ‘what’ into ‘where’?
[The beginning of what I would, much later in life...like now!...more crudely express as:
"You mean my parents, in their wanton passion, actually fucked ME into existence? What were they THINKING? Those selfish, inconsiderate bastards!...Oh, that's right...They were inconsiderately fucked into existence by THEIR ignorant, non thinking parents! SHEESH!
What's that?...the only way out is death? Gee, thanks alot...what a gift!"
Okay, guys...put your stones down...I was [sorta] kidding!
It IS interesting how those weird moments in one’s life…carefully, but not totally supressed(?)…come crashing back into your mind; triggered by some simple mental ‘tripping’ mechanism like Naomi’s little youthful…and revealing…scenario.
And…
Somehow, Old Git, your little “Lizzie” tale makes me feel…strangely…significantly more normal!
“Nee!…Ekee-ekee-ekee…Neewa”!
[I wanted to link a Python bit...but YouTube was down for repairs! Bringing out their dead?]
22 February 2007, on 3:51 am
ChuckA, my sweet, you are awesome! (Is that what the “A” stands for?)
22 February 2007, on 9:08 am
Naomi,
I beg to disagree! I remember doing long division, and even square roots, in Roman numerals when I was a kid. It was a bit tricky, particularly with 4s and 9s, but it was so much fun! … *lowers head* I am such a geek.
22 February 2007, on 10:05 am
Yes, I believe if Jesus were to come back he would be a real snappy dresser. Look at that guy’s ring and bracelet. Surely, he is the Lord our God.
22 February 2007, on 3:52 pm
Zipi, how could I think you’re a geek? You and I were almost battling over possession of hunky jeebus!
I am in awe of anyone who can use Roman Numerals in any way that is NOT pretentious…
Untimately, five-base numbering systems are useless for the average person. And, let’s face it, most of us fall in that category.
22 February 2007, on 9:18 pm
karen: Has this guy ever done anything to prove his divinity other than to smile and say “I’m It!”/Do the sheeple just take his word for it?
Of course not! They believe for yea, in January he did reveal to them the holy tattoo of “666″ on his mighty limb (no, really, he did; “last month, during a packed worship service at the church, De Jesús took off his coat and revealed the numbers 666 on his forearm”).
And if that sacred mark shouldst appear to come off with a little spit, then knowest thou must be on thy guard, for ’tis the Devil deceiving thine eyes!
23 February 2007, on 12:08 am
Well, Naomi; I thank you for your attribution ala: “ChuckA, my sweet, you are awesome! (Is that what the “A” stands for?)”
I have to admit, considering my long term history of low self esteem, that instead of such an attribute as ‘awesome’, arrogantly self applied, my mental self-suggestion would be more like the image of Sancho Panza of Don Quixote fame; you know. as in: “The Impossible Dream”. ["The Impossible Scream"?]
There’d ALWAYS be someone peeking out and shouting from behind some windmill…
“A for Awesome?…Hey…try Asshole!…
and you and Don what’s his name…keep moving…as in…
get the fuck outa here!…Oh, and by the way; stop dreaming and get real!…and for that matter…tell Don to stop singing that friggin’ song!…You guys and that Muslim fuckhead’s call to prayer, ruined my nap!”
What’s that, Naomi…
sorry you asked?
23 February 2007, on 12:15 am
ChuckA, I’m never sorry I asked–although I did cringe a little over the comments that ended with “thanks for the mam…er, memories”…
But that’s probably because I’m a woman and no longer a “young” woman, at that…
11 July 2007, on 9:28 pm
[...] The Antichrist Also Fleeces His Flock By Eve Who would have suspected it? Apparently Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda, Miami’s self-proclaimed Antichrist, a.k.a. Second Coming of Christ, has bankrolled his personal life with donations made to his cult church, Growing in Greed Grace. [...]