NSFW or The Goldberg Variations
31 August 2006 by Raindogzilla
As in Michelle Goldberg. So, I went to the little shindig down at Xavier the other night to hear Michelle lock horns with Phil Burress. For those of you outside the state of Ohio, Phil is the recovering porn fiend who heads Citizens for Community Values – and the man who claims to have singlehandedly gotten that lovely amendment banning gay marriage passed here in 2004. (Phil’s latest obsession is ridding local motel rooms of “On Demand” adult films). He’s also the Treasurer of Exodus International- “For 30 years, Exodus has served men and women who are affected by homosexuality. Freedom is possible through Jesus Christ!”
First and foremost, Phil is a lying sack of shit. Tuesday night, Phil contended that Exodus- see above quote- was not a religious organization. Okay, except for the part about Jesus Christ doing the “freeing”. He also claimed to have nothing to do with an earlier press event featuring GOP gubernatorial candidate, J. Kenneth Blackwell and a murder of ministers- I can say that, right, like a murder of crows, supporting him politically. Of course, he actually set it up- see Michelle’s take on the evening here. Listen to the audio of the event here- it takes an email address to register with DefCon and tune in but they’re good folks with a good cause.
On the whole, no sparks flew, the event was a bit too reserved for shouts of “God’s For Suckers!” or “Play Freebird!”, and I forgot to bring a creampie for Phil’s face but let’s talk about Burress some more:
“For 25 years, he says, his waking hours were dominated by the need to view pornography. It destroyed his ability to be a loving husband, cost him financially and kept him emotionally estranged from people who should have been close.
“It consumed my life. It was my hidden secret,” he says.
The twice-divorced Cincinnati native sees himself as a blessed survivor, whose acceptance of God and admission of his “addiction” to pornography allowed him to reverse a life he is convinced was spiraling into a personal abyss.”
Must….Have…Porn!
“Mrs. Burress says she understands pornography’s destructive power and why her husband must abstain from any exposure to such materials. For that reason, she will watch the adult videos and read the adult magazines, then write summaries for her husband so he can speak to groups, lobby legislators or persuade prosecutors.
“I don’t even look at it,” Mr. Burress says.
“We understand each other,” she says. “We both have a passion for this.”
That way they can really spice up their love life. I’m not sure what George Allen has to do with any of this but he deserves the GIMPing for that “macaca” remark.
1 September 2006, on 2:05 am
Sorry, RDZ: I went in and blurred and reduced the size of your graphic a bit more so people wouldn’t lose their jobs over it!
More tomorrow on your visit to the event!
1 September 2006, on 9:15 am
It sounds like Porn wasn’t his only secret. I wonder if repressing his homosexual secret identity lead him to massive feelings of guilt and he now feels the need to lash out. Stranger things have happened… like Ann Coulter becoming famous for one.
1 September 2006, on 12:15 pm
gee somehow it is the porn’s fault not a defect in his character.
1 September 2006, on 12:15 pm
I think I speak for all of us when I say – ewwwwwwww.
The rest of you can just go all jealous and envious ‘n shit, cause Raindog and I live in Ohio and you don’t.
And by the way, as much as I love the descriptor “lying sack of shit,” I’m deep into a philosophical consideration of this question: “Is a truth-telling sack of shit any more appealing than a lying sack of shit?” I’m waiting for Aristotle and St. Thomas Aquinas to get back to me.
1 September 2006, on 1:54 pm
OK, Catherine…
RE… “I’m waiting for Aristotle and St. Thomas Aquinas to get back to me.”…
I think I heard their voices…well, at least the ‘Angelic Doctor’s’…with some message about: “Hylemorphic bag of shit” [ala my VERY vague 1960s De Paul Philosophy class days]…but then the voice(s) faded.
How ‘bout just a “good sack [bag?] of shit!”, as in ‘Tokes-ville’…if you get my drift.
[Inhales deeply…holds…exhales…of course, it’s ”Just ‘fresh’ air!”]
However, Catherine…I’m not implying anything on your personal life’s ‘experiential’ conduct…
Pardon my silliness…again! “And no…I’m not blogging down your neck…am I?
[Referring to my previous: “Yes, Mrs. Catherine” (“The Shining”)]
“OK…As you were, folks!”…Hmmm…”How WERE you, anyway?”
1 September 2006, on 2:55 pm
ChuckA, I forget much of “The Shining. Who is the character Mrs.Catherine – is that the Shelly DuVall wife character?
1 September 2006, on 6:17 pm
“…admission of his “addiction” to pornography allowed him to reverse a life he is convinced was spiraling into a personal abyss.”
I can just picture Burress yelling at his secret stash:
“Jenna, you ruined my life! How could you do that to me? But you, Chad Lexington, you’re still my friend, right?”
1 September 2006, on 6:45 pm
I always love how when some (not everyone, but some) people get over an addiction it’s never because THEY did it. Never because it was THEIR willpower that helped them. No. It’s because they started to believe in an imaginary being.
Essentially their imaginary friend Colonel Sphatz helped them.
1 September 2006, on 6:51 pm
“a personal abyss”?
Are we sure that he wasn’t just watching the latest Paris Hilton sex tape?
This guy’s a fucking freak in a town full of fucking freaks- Simon Leis, the former prosecutor famous for charging Larry Flynt (and now the Hamilton Co. Sheriff of all things, where he was also responsible for raiding the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibition at a local gallery), J. Kenneth Blackwell, himself, who was Mayor here at one point(of course, so was Jerry Springer), Jean Schmidt, the honest to gawd Wicked Witch of the West(minus the panache), House Majority Leader, John “Boner” Boehner, and Senator Mike DeWine.
Of course, to counterbalance, we have the aforementioned Springer and funkmaster- and Mothership inhabitant, Bootsy Collins(”The name is Bootsy, baby”). Alright, Bootsy’s cool cancels out a lot of the other shit.
1 September 2006, on 10:53 pm
Yes, Catherine; as to your:
“I forget much of “The Shining. Who is the character Mrs.Catherine – is that the Shelly DuVall wife character?”
I know it’s a silly reference [sorry for starting all this confusion?…ha, ha]…the answer is YES, if MY memory is correct.
I also meant to put a little note: [Wiggles his finger while saying in a strange voice: “Yes, Mrs. Catherine”…I was told, just now, by my [totally confused, at all this] companion that the wife’s name was “Mrs. Torrence”. So it was originally: “Yes, Mrs. Torrence!”
And now back to my typing:
All work and no play, makes ChuckA a dull boy.
All work and no play, makes ChuckA a dull boy.
All blog and no brains, makes ChuckA a pain in the arse.
I QUIT!
2 September 2006, on 12:39 am
Yup. Once again, the dangers of the self-righteous and self-appointedly virtuous. “Because I couldn’t handle porn, you can’t, either! So porn should be taken away from everyone!”
And meanwhile, what’s this shit about how his wife still watches all the porn and takes notes? Has he checked under her bed (for they clearly sleep on opposite sides of the house) for a cache of vibrators?
3 September 2006, on 1:34 pm
Regarding Mr. Burress and his porn addiction, I was just thumbing through the “Bhagavad Gita” and came across the following lines that I had hi-lited years earlier:
“The abstinent run away from what they desire but carry their desires with them.”
“When he has no lust, no hatred, a man walks safely among the things of lust and hatred.”
Burress will not allow himself to watch porn, but he probably still desires it. A person not addicted to porn should be able to watch it without feeling the need to watch it again and again.
3 September 2006, on 3:42 pm
That bit about Mrs Burress reading and watching porn for her husband is hilarious.
Obviously she can handle it without negative results. Therefore it ain’t so bad after all.
Good thing people with addictions to shoes don’t go around trying to get stores to quit selling shoes.
3 September 2006, on 10:54 pm
Lynda, in his debate with Michelle Goldberg, Burress quotes some statistic that about 90 or 95% of men arrested for sex crimes had porno movies at home.
Well, 100% of people who commit murder with a gun had a gun in their possession. If Burress believes that no one should be allowed to view porn, will he then argue that no one should be allowed to own a gun because everyone whoever committed murder with a gun had a gun in their possession?
3 September 2006, on 11:09 pm
Burress quotes some statistic that about 90 or 95% of men arrested for sex crimes had porno movies at home.
Well, I bet more than 98% of those men were in the possession of a penis and balls. Perhaps Burress would support castration of all men. Sounds like he may have already had the procedure himself.
7 September 2006, on 2:46 am
Lynda Says:
Good thing people with addictions to shoes don’t go around trying to get stores to quit selling shoes.
Ha!