Web Zen today is Evangelical Zen. Some awesome stuff: Bibleman, Date to Save, Clowning4Christ, Karate for Christ, Recreational Christianity, Show tunes vs. Fundamentalists, The Amazing Jesus of Nazareth, Ten, and Battleground God.

I bow to the zen master.

DNA frees innocent man after 24 years

A US man who spent 24 years behind bars was freed today after DNA testing and other evidence convinced prosecutors he was not involved in the robbery and rapes that led to his 130-year sentence.

“It’s been a long time coming,” Crotzer said. “Thank God for this day.”

I’m happy for you. And I can’t even begin to comprehend your tragedy. But where was gawd the other 8,766 days you spent in prison?

By the way, it was science (DNA research), not gawd, that ultimately made you a free man. If only you had said “Thank science and the progress of human knowledge for this day.” Wow, that would rock.

Chaplains to be allowed Jesus prayer

WASHINGTON, Jan. 23 (UPI) — The White House has agreed to pressure the Pentagon to put an end to discrimination against chaplains who pray in the name of Jesus Christ. [...] Jones’ office says chaplains should be able to pray to whomever “their faith tradition” demands, including named gods, saints or prophets. [...] “Chaplains are advised to consider their audience when they’re speaking publicly and be considerate of a plurality of views in the audience,” she said. “But we don’t tell them how they can and cannot pray.”

Yes, because that would be too obvious…

Flying friar joins comic superheroes

IS IT a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s the Flying Friar, a real life 16th-century monk who has become the latest addition to the world of comic book superheroes. Joseph of Copertino, a Franciscan priest renowned for his ability to levitate, will join the world of costumed crusaders next week when a new graphic novel is published in Britain and America.

Now, all we have to do is get that Jesus comic book in print, and we’ll be all set…

Proposed Condom Law Irks Colombia Priests

… Tulua has one of the highest rates of HIV infection in Colombia, he said. The proposal will be debated by other town leaders and could go into effect by March…

… Roman Catholic priests… are furious over a councilman’s proposal that people 14 and older must carry a condom at all times to reduce unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

Why are these dipshits almost always on the wrong side of any reproductive debate? No, condoms do not promote promiscuity, assholes. They protect people when inevitable promiscuity occurs.

Anyone who remembers how terrifying it was to go into a pharmacy as a teenager and buy a box of condoms would welcome free, mandatory handouts from the government. Just think about it: if you hooked up with someone else, you’d have at least two condoms between you. Sounds like a recipe for a party, as opposed to an inquisition.

Addendum: Ford is right. In my enthusiasm, I failed to notice the civil liberties issue here. I stand corrected. Nobody should be forced by their government to do anything in such a regard. As he asks, what would the penalty be if you didn’t follow the rules and were caught sans condom? Still, a more subtle approach — like requiring all businesses where people mingle to have a big old bucket of the things by the entrance — might suffice!
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As Alito stands poised to join the Supreme Court, the women of America (and those that love them) should be prepared for the battle royale to come, and fully expect to potentially kiss their reproductive rights goodbye. Make no mistake, this is on the horizon, and the battle lines are already being drawn.

Snippet:

“I know so many girls who did it and they are hurting every day of their life…”

She meant “their lives,” but we are used to such illiteracy from this crowd.

So they would be better off if you had a law that denied them the right to do it in the first place, right? Good for you. I am sure they would be so thankful that you are looking out for them from atop your moral throne. After all, if it was simply illegal, they would have had to suffer through and make do, but they would have thanked you years later, after they managed to struggle their way out of welfare and poverty (or died trying, which would at least be gawd’s will).

“I love my kid. Thank you so much for denying me the right to an abortion 10 years ago. I now see the error of my ways. Wish I could have gone to college, or even gotten away from being financially dependent on the pedophile who impregnated me at 15, but none of that matters now. My kid, despite his deformities due to my teenage drug addiction, is beautiful in his own way. I have to street-hook once in a while to pay for his special schooling… And the man we are forced to live with beats me a few times a month, but I thank gawd every day for the life of my boy. He is the only shred of hope I have in a world of almost pitch darkness. Joe bless you.”

Here’s the problem, what the moralists — from your Xian neighbor to your Islamic jihadist — just don’t understand: we don’t need to be saved by your righteousness. No, abortion does not “hurt” women. Women who have chosen abortions — and I know several — have done so out of necessity due to a number of hardships pregnancy and child-rearing would have brought them at that point in their lives.

Sure, nobody wants to go through such a thing, but only the religious delude themselves into thinking that an unborn fetus has much of a conscious mind, or that people haven’t been aborting them — or even birthing them and then killing them — since the dawn of humankind. Have you ever seen a newborn baby? It’s mind is only barely beginning to be self-aware. Barely. I know this is hard for some of you to grasp, but the mother, a fully-formed human being, with a mind and full self-awareness, has more of a right to life than that creature from her womb does. I am sorry, but it is just fucking so. Any good natal practitioner will tell you “Mother’s life first, at all costs, even that of the ‘child’ she carries.” For too long in history, the very opposite was true. Women were property, and if they died during childbirth but gave a noble his male heir, so be it. Women who want to re-embrace this way of life must be ignorant in the extreme.

There comes a point where your child’s life and future may mean more to you than your own. But this ain’t it. Any husband who would rather see their wife die in favor of their child being born is one sick human being. And believe me, such choices have been made many, many times in history.

You see, moralists, it ain’t a child yet. It just fucking ain’t. Do you remember being born? Of course you don’t.

The problem with your hell-bent destruction of Roe v. Wade — which, I fear, will be met with yet more derision of, and contempt for, the United States from the rest of the Western world (and only a defeatist whimper of protest from ordinary Americans) — is that you (the collective “you”, as in all the moralists and the religious and those who can’t keep their bigotry and self-righteousness to themselves) are determining the fate of other people’s lives, based on your ideology alone. You have no idea how or under what circumstances that person got pregnant… You and your arrogant ideology want to tell them that you know better than they do what choices they should have. You want to deny them their rights based on what you believe.

This is the fundamental problem with all faith-based legislation. It is basically no different from Islamic sharia. A random set of laws based not on science, but on unfounded beliefs, structured not toward granting rights, but mostly toward taking them away. An idea that is the very antithesis of the values set forth in our Constitution.

Thank you, moralist fuckheads, for yet another step toward destroying the very idea of America itself.

Oh… And rich asshole Republicans: rest assured that you are safe. You can always fly your daughter to Europe for a safe abortion the next time daddy rapes her.

Judge Strikes Down Maryland Ban on Gay Marriage

WASHINGTON — A Baltimore judge ruled Friday that Maryland’s law banning same-sex marriage is discriminatory and “cannot withstand constitutional challenge,” throwing open the possibility of a bruising legislative battle over a constitutional amendment. [...] “The evidence is now on the table. We must pass a constitutional amendment,” said Del. Donald Dwyer, R-Anne Arundel. “This issue is not for the courts to decide.” Gov. Robert Ehrlich, R, expressed dismay with the court at an afternoon news conference. He hinted that he would get behind a drive to amend the constitution, saying he would “take the appropriate steps to protect marriage.” [...] “My concern is legalizing same-sex unions teaches a society that marriage is only about fulfilling sexual and emotional desires,” said the Rev. Eric Redmond of Hillcrest Baptist Church in Temple Hills, Md. “I think homosexuals can have equal civil rights … without altering the historic definition of marriage.”

Like I said, one asshole at a time, folks. You go on and “protect that concept of marriage” — whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.

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