One of our more pathetic and moronic Xian drive-by public masturba– er, testifiers, “follower of GOD” dropped off the famous Leviticus passage about the “abomination” of “lying with mankind as with womankind”. Instead of deleting the comment for being insipidly and mindlessly X-droid-like, I decided to take it as an opportunity to rerun an older post about such matters. Because, you know, it’s less work than writing something new.

Ham, shrimp, abominations, and a guide to gay sexual positions

[Parental Advisory Notice: This commentary on scripture contains reference to hot all-girl action, cocksucking, and other stuff you might like to pretend your 12-year-old doesn't know about.]

The excellent God Hates Shrimp was linked here the other day; along with the general attention to things gay these days, it got me to go back and ponder my Leviticus — and you all know how painful that can be. Leviticus 20:13 is, of course, the most central source for biblical condemnation of homosexuality.

If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death.

Of course, as I’ve noted before (”Some of the things you should kill people for“), this is the same section of Leviticus that says people should also be put to death for cursing their parents, committing adultery, sleeping with their in-laws, bestiality, and keeping a witch’s familiar.

What’s curious about this passage is that it doesn’t condemn anything but "a man who lies with a man as those who lie with a woman". That means that there is absolutely no condemnation here of any of the following:

1. Hot all-girl action: Lesbians are totally in the clear, showing that even Yahweh realizes that aesthetics can trump tight-assed morality.
2. Nellie bottoms: Since bottoms don’t actually lie with another man as a man who lies with a woman, but lie with another man more as a woman who lies with a man, they’re obviously in the clear.
3. Cocksuckers: Surely, since women don’t have penises, cocksucking is not doing anything as if with a woman. (OK, there might be some complexities that arise with the strap-on issue.)
4. Standing cocksuckees: Obviously standing up getting your dick sucked isn’t lying with anyone at all, and so also is in the clear.

And following the standard maxims of conversational implicature, the fact that God could have just as easily banned any sexual contact between same-sex pair, but clearly didn’t, it seems that unavoidable conclusion is that God is effectively endorsing all-girl action, guys taking it up the ass, cocksucking, and getting sucked off while standing up.

For a kinder and gentler take on this, the op-ed “Some Biblical Laws are Still Honored, Some Widely Ignored” asks the question kindly: What’s the difference between homosexuality and a ham sandwich?

(If you want, you can check out more Biblical tastiness at the GifS Collected Sunday Bible Passages.)

Army to Investigate Gay Porn Allegations

If the research is true, and a large number of people have had some homosexual experience, then the military (which is a gay-bashing institution by default) is filled with the sad and the repressed — and also hypocrites and self-flagellates. I feel sorry for them.

A few years back, I watched a doc from the Discovery Channel about Marine training on Parris Island. Goddamn if every single one of the D.I.s (that is, lifers) from the female side of the base didn’t look like every San Francisco butch lesbian I have ever met.

Snippets:

Army officials are investigating allegations that members of the celebrated 82nd Airborne Division appear on a gay pornography Web site, a spokeswoman said Friday…

… The 82nd Airborne is one of the most celebrated units in the military. Its 15,000 troops are trained to deploy anywhere in the world within 18 hours.

Huh-huh. You said “deploy.”

So let me get this straight (so to speak): you want to prosecute them for homosexual conduct (not, say… oh, disgracing their unit by performing for some sleazy military fetish internet porn site?), yet you are still concerned about treating them with dignity and respect?

Man, the military really does fuck you up. And makes you a shit-ass web designer on top of it.

On a different forum I had a run in with a mod over their banning a different poster. The one banned was an ignat bigot, but one that had been tolerated a surprsingly long time. Then that poster said something that pissed off that mod and he got banned. It looked like one long and weird double standard. Other mods said that poster’s banning had been in the works a while, it was just that one moderator took the chance to tell the poster exactly what he thought of him. Thereby making it look personal.

Was I wrong?
Absolutely. I misunderstood the sitch.

Will I apologize?
To that hyperactive whiner? Not a chance. He gave no respect so he deserves no respect.

But, the exchange made me realize something. When theists whine about the language we occasionally (okay CONSTANTLY) use in conversation with them they get mocked. For the first time I undestand why they object. I didn’t insult this mod. I questioned his motives and reasons certainly, but he began the insults immediately. Not only was it remarkably childish (on both ends ultimately), it was circular. We got nowhere. Nothing was resolved – there’s just potential hard feelings and a new wall built.

And that exact scenario is what plays out with theists over and over again.

If there is one thing that tedious experiment taught me is that they don’t understand us. At all. They are so stuffed full of misconceptions and lies I do believe that some of them don’t even know (or expect) that some of the things they say will be taken as an insult. I.e. “We all have faith in something.”

Now, I’m not telling my delicious lovlies here to play nice. I’m just suggesting that maybe- just maybe- what we think are insults from some of them are just misunderstandings. Granted, this place wasn’t created for them, but I think this illustrates the need for a primer.

There will always be dipshits who come here just to annoy people. But perhaps, we can keep some good debaters if we slow down a bit?

Thoughts?

Okay, enough with the dying children… it’s Friday gawd damn it!

Instead, let’s watch Jeebus sing! (courtesy of Google Video)

I’m sure that many people have been following this…

Grandpa dies on hearing 7 children killed in fiery wreck

LAKE BUTLER, Florida (CNN) — News of a crash in which seven children perished so upset their grandfather that he had a massive heart attack and died, the children’s adoptive mother said. “I lost my daddy tonight,” Barbara Mann said Wednesday. “My dad died of a massive heart attack tonight over all this. He lost all seven of his grandkids … I can’t deal with this.” [...] They have been identified as: Cynthia Nicole Mann and Elizabeth Mann, both 15; Ashley Keen and Johnny Mann, both 13; Miranda Finn, 9; Heaven Mann, 3; and Anthony Lamb, 20 months. [...] Cynthia Mann’s aunt said the girl had just dropped off another child and was taking the rest of the children home “to get ready to go to church.”

Fuck. I need a goddam drink.

UPDATE — Some additional stuff I just found:

Union County resident Chad White, 34, who lives about 200 yards from the site, heard the crash. He went to the scene and found a number of children wandering or lying on the ground near the bus. A little girl about 5, crying for her mother, was with an older boy who was trying to comfort her despite his own injuries, White said.

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As much as I hate to support them, I normally buy condoms at a nearby Wal-Mart during weekly shopping trips (trust me, this is going somewhere)- Wal-Mart, being the only store within 100 miles to have all of the groceries we want. This week, I went to buy condoms in the town which we currently reside. Our little grocery did not have them. I refused to look for them in the dollar store (now made with real rubber!).

I finally collapsed and went into the one pharmacy in town, knowing that they would charge twice the normal cost. After some time of looking through the shelves, one of the pharmacy employees approached me and asked, “Can I help you find something?”

“Where would the condoms be?” I asked with total sincerity and seriousness- I am an adult after all.

“We don’t have condoms.”

“You’re a pharmacy without condoms?”

“Well,” she scoffs, “that’s not exactly the kind of behavior we want to promote now, is it?”

I could feel my eye twitch and I wanted beat the smile off of her face; however, I just laughed and said, “Whatever makes you happy.”

After reading the inferno of the abortion comments (did we expect any different), I am only reminded of the fundamental problem in religion-fueled, forced ignorance about sexuality. Removing proper sex education from public schools and replacing it with abstinence education is morally reprehensible. Our teens should not be made afraid of sex and told to ignore their own sexuality- they should know the cost of improper decisions made before, during, and after a sex act. Really, abstinence education forces your children to get a sex education from parties that are far less informed:

1. Their peers (your dick gets hard cause there is a dick bone that comes from the bottom of your spine)
2. Hollywood (sex will lead to either the greatest relationship of your life or a bloody, gruesome demise)
3. The internet (all women want to gag on your cock; all men can give you multiple, mind shattering orgasms)
4. Etc, etc…

Unfortunately, this ignorance about contraception will only lead to more unwanted pregnancies; thus, a greater rate of abortion, a greater rate of STD infections, a greater rate of families on welfare, and a greater rate of ignorant whores working in pharmacies.

Feel free to list any other social ills that can be linked to ignorance about conceiving and parenting a child.

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FARK.com isn’t always my cup of tea, but the current photoshopping contest should appeal around here:

Since the Catholic Church is arguing against using Jesus in beer ads, photoshop some other ads that shouldn’t have Jesus.

We’re working on a FAQ for GifS, so I want to ask all atheist visitors to the site if there’s anything specific you’d like covered. Any questions, comments, bribes or dramatic declarations of love and devotion put in the comments. K?irs 1098-e form loan interestinterest is fixed fha loanloan itcounty college loan jacksonjacob sloanjeremy sloanjim sacramento martin loanjohn hancock loans 401k Map